William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Anti-Muslim conservatives protest Liberal woman living in Hell’s Kitchen

    NEW YORK – Ann Thomson, an 83-year-old widow, was awoken last last night to screams of protests by angry conservatives at her her home on 39th Street, in an area known as Hell’s Kitchen.

    The protesters were angry that Thompson, a long-time liberal, had told a friend that she didn’t mind the Islamic Center being built two blocks away from Ground Zero.

    Opponents chanted “No mosque, no way!” and carried signs reading, “9-11-01: Never Forget,” as Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” blared over loudspeakers.

    Thomson, who has lived in the same apartment for 34 years, said she wasn’t sure what the fuss was all about.

    “I read the papers and watch TV. I know that the center is for Sufi Muslims, and they are no friend to al Qaeda,” said Thomson.”

    Still, the protesters, led by professional Muslim hater Pam Atlas, said having a liberal live so close to America’s Hallowed Ground was a slap in the face to all freedom loving people.

    “I have records that show Thomson voted for Obama,” said Atlas, arms and legs akimbo. “If we are going to allow liberals to live within 50 blocks of the most hallowed ground in America, then we may as well just accept Sharia Law.”

    For her part, Thomson seemed unperturbed by the protest.

    “I just turned down my hearing aid and went to bed,” said Thomson. I had my gun ready, just in case. Because, you know, liberals are allowed to have guns, too.”

    The crowd left Thomson’s building early in the morning, and went to scream at an Italian guy who was selling falafels in a cart near Broadway.

    “The food of Satan,” screamed Atlas, hair akimbo.


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