When Google Buzz came out, I wanted to be on the cutting edge of this fabulous new technology. I allowed them to opt me in immediately, even though I had no clue what Google Buzz is I opt-in’d too or why.

Personally, I liked the idea that the six people who read my blog would now have six different ways to find my new posts: Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Orkut, Digg & Buzz. I would now be able to much more effectively carpet-bomb them with myself.

But just five minutes after I opened Google Buzz, long-private naked videos of myself were somehow released on the Internet and everybody knows everything I've ever written in any e-mail to anybody. And everything ever written to me. I felt naked. Normally, I am in fact, naked, as the video attests, but now I felt like I was, as well. And it was ugly.

Basically, Google Buzz could only be more of an invasion of privacy if Michael Chertoff was getting a cut on the deal.

Now, the friendly folks at Google are getting sued. And we’re all about to get some of that Google cash.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, law firms in San Francisco and Washington, D.C. have filed a suit on behalf of Eva Hibnick. Hibnick is a Florida woman who has been chosen to represent the many Gmail users who felt, well, used, when Google launched Buzz. …

Strangely, the lawsuit reportedly asks for an assurance that Google, which says it has not yet seen the lawsuit, will not repeat its Buzzing actions in years to come and asks for unspecified, well, cash. The lawyers claim to be taking this severe action on behalf of all 31.2 million Gmail users. So they must hope for very large amounts of unspecified cash, if they are to please them all.

Google Buzz is the worst Internet experiment to come around since ArsonistsDating.com. And nowhere near as useful to society.

If Google Buzz was a movie, it’d be Avatar – all over-hyped and shiny, but more or less something that’s already been done and something that could leave you feeling nauseous.

The worst part of it all is that no one followed me back on Google Buzz. Here I was shoveling every last important personal detail on to the Internet, and no one wanted to even look. That’s the true crime of Google Buzz. It makes you feel insignificant.

In the end, I’m rooting for myself and the other 31,899,999 Google users in the brave lawsuits against the sick minds that unleashed Google Buzz on the world. Google Buzz is more oppressive than a sunny day on a UK street, and stupider than Sarah Palin discussing Kant. It is not a social media site – it’s a Mengelesque social experiment designed to humiliate us all.

I really wish kids could just go back to old-school ways of staying in touch. Like e-mail.

--WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles