William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Romanians begin adopting American children

    By William K. Wolfrum on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 1:54pm | Humor & Satire

    Nadia and Thad Comaneci looked at their child with the love the love of new parents. eyes of newborn parents. That he was 14 seemed to have no affect on them whatsoever. Timmy Johnson was their new son.

    “Look at him. He always wants the hamburgers and the video games. He is so beautiful,” said Nadia Comaneci, of her newly adopted American son. “Always with the fuckaoofs.”

    “Oh, Fuck off,” said Johnson.

    The Comanecis are a new breed of Romanian – lower middle class, confident, and with an eye toward the greater good – who have been adopting American children at a record rate. The children generally range in ages from 4 to 16, as most Americans seem to enjoy their children more when they are babies.

    “Itsa like the chewing gum,” said Thad Comaneci, 78 and momentarily Italian. “They chew the baby, the baby loses it’s flavor, the baby comes to Romania and learns to play the Oina.

    “They take out another baby and start chewing,” added Thad Comaneci, clearly dedicated to making that particular metaphor work. “You see where I’m going, right?”

    The economic crisis and a populace hell-bent on having babies at every turn have been two major factors in the outsourcing of children. For Romanians, having an American child is a source of pride and upward mobility, regardless of the child’s behavior.

    “Look at that lazy little bastard,” said Nadia Comaneci. “He is our little America. Get him some baklava.”

    –WKW

    Topics: 
    Humor & Satire

    Comments

    Oh, I've seen these! And they're soooooooo..... chubby slow-moving easy-to-catch!

    And sometimes they'll do their native dances! Oh, they're not very good. Not really. What with the arms just swinging back and forth, and their heads bobbing and the feet not really moving. But they really try! And it's sooooo cultural! 

    I told my wife the other day that I wanted me a little one, just like that Dick Day fella on TV. You know, the one on America's Most Wanted? The one that had 114 children, and all of 'em mental? I bet some of those babies will have that same evil grin, and those fast hands. I can put him to work pickpocketing French tourists. After all, it's what Americans do best!

    Gonna name him Bubba. Or mebbe Li'l Rush.


    by quinn esq on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 3:44pm

    Ignoring more inflamatory descriptions of me by Q, I hereby render unto you the Dayly line of the Day Award for this here Dagblog Site, given to all of you from all of me for this gem:

     

    Itsa like the chewing gum,” said Thad Comaneci, 78 and momentarily Italian. “They chew the baby, the baby loses it’s flavor, the baby comes to Romania and learns to play the Oina.

     

    This is positively original and totally disgusting. No wonder Q showed up. hahaahahahahah


    by Richard Day on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 4:24pm

    Did you bother reading the rules to Oina, Dick? I suspect not. If you'd read them, you'd very quickly see that these Romanians have some sortof scam going with American babies. Because there's no way an American child could master rules like these:

    At bat players score by batting beyond certain lines, like so:

    • the ball crosses the 65m line in the air and doesn't go out of bounds (doesn't cross the lateral lines), whether or not the defense touches the ball in the air - 2 points
    • the ball falls in the back zone - 2 points
    • the ball is touched in the air by the defense, and goes out of bounds in the air from within the back zone - 2 points
    • the ball goes out of bounds in the air from within the back zone without being touched by the defense - 1 point
    • the ball crosses the 60m line (the back line) in the air and is caught by the defense - 1 point
    • the ball crosses the threequarters line in the air and falls in the threequarters area - 1 point
    • the ball goes out of bounds in the air from within the threequarters area - 1 point
    • the ball is diverted out of bounds in the air from within the threequartees area by the defense - 1 point
    • the ball falls on the threequarters area of the back line - 1 point
    • the ball is diverted from within the threequarters area in front of the threequarters line by the defense and is not subsequently caught in the air - 1 point

    Nope. any Romanian that adopts an American is gonna be aiming to have them work in one of the 3 occupations they know Americans excel - pickpocketing, interspecies sex or laying in a ditch bleating about their bad luck.

    And most of 'em aren't that good at intraspecies sex, much less that tricky interspecies stuff. Took me years to master it. Especially badgers.

     


    by quinn esq on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 4:35pm

    Latest Comments