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    South Africa promises to forever ban Vuvuzelas if rest of world stops exploiting Africa

    SOUTH AFRICA – Faced with a barrage of bad press about the endless drone of vuvuzelas during World Cup matches, South African President Jacob Zuna today announced that he will ban the horn-like instrument, provided the Western world stop exploiting Africa.

    “It’s a fair trade,” said Zuna. “The world can watch World Cup games in peace, and Africa can stop being exploited. Totally win-win scenario.”

    Reached for comment, the Western World responded with a sharp “Yeah, like that will happen,” and announced that vuvuzelas during World Cup games were something they’d have to live with, as dumping pollutants off the Somalia coast and exploiting Africa’s natural resources were the lifeblood of Western economies.

    The Western World added that there was no comparison to endless vuvuzela noise during soccer games and the rampant exploitation of African nations and peoples.

    “South Africa should just ban vuvuzelas because we said so,” said the Western World. “Seriously, it's just a nightmare. Who can we pay off?”


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    After a week of trying to follow matches with the sound off, I'm ready to take the deal, Wolfie. If, that is, it's a bona fide proposal and not just another product of your fevered imagination.

    Frankly, it's about as credible as the idea that a Chinese-made plastic horn is a traditional South African musical instrument. No, until I'm sure the offer is on the level, I'll continue to stock up on blood diamonds, yellowcake and coltan. I draw the line at Wolfrumite; that stuff is toxic in even small doses.

    Little-known fact: vuvuzela is Zulu slang for part of the female anatomy. I'm told that male fans quickly get bored blowing the things (most would rather be watching the game) but their lady friends insist it's the best part of the festivities. So we all suffer in our own way.

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