The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age

    Hi

    By LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 1:13am |

    Hi, Dag. 

    I've missed a lot of you.  I don't think I've missed politics too much, but I've missed a lot of you personally.  :)

    Tonight I opened up the Paradigm chat room, at Once Upon a Paradigm, and it was good to see so many friends again after many months of being away from everybody.  I mean, I've stayed in touch with Dick, of course, and with many others here, through emails and Facebook and stuff, but, it's not quite the same (for me, anyway), as it used to be.

    I'm sure a lot of you don't know or don't really care about where I'm at these days, because I worked quite hard at alienating y'all earlier this year, LOL.  So I thought I'd explain real quick, and offer up an apology, too, because I think it's very warranted (both the explanation, and the apology). 

    I've lost two jobs in two years.  Pretty much through my own fault, both times.  And that was hard for me to swallow, and to face.  And this year, I finally had to give up and lose my apartment -- my freedom, if you will. 

    I've lost two friends.  Lost, lost.  Like, not just, "Oh, they'll talk to you again soon after this argument is over" kinda lost, but lost due to death.  I'm not used to losing friends to death this way.  I keep hearing that the older we get, we start losing friends this way, but for me this is still new.  And they were very good, good friends.  I don't mean "good to ME" friends, I mean very, very good people.  Two of the clearest voices, smartest people, I've known kinda people.  Two people that seemed far more grounded, far more gifted, and far more knowledgeable than many folks I know.

    OMG, every paragraph, so far, is starting with "I".  That's SO not good.  But, to finish with "I", I'll just say that after realizing that I couldn't keep my apartment, and after seeing my mom go through some issues this year (with medications, misdiagnoses, falling down, not being able to drive anymore), it just made sense for me to move in with her so that she and I could help each other out from now on. 

    Our cats are trying to get along (but Wallace, lord help him, is really turning out to be a territorial sumbitch, LOL) and I'm trying to learn the routes here west of the Delaware after living east of the Hudson, and everything is going great, but I have to admit there's a learning curve.

    Anyone who's lived with, or is living with, their parents, after the age of, say, 30 something, please feel free to comment and give some advice or feedback.

    Anyone who hasn't yet lived with, or isn't contemplating living with their parent(s) yet, feel free to comment too. 

    I get the feeling this is becoming more the norm, thanks to our economy, and I'd love to hear your points of view. 

    This was sort of cross-posted at Paradigm, by the way. 

    Oh, and I'm sorry for being a bitch earlier this year.  I was scared.  I'm not so much, now.  A bitch, nor scared.  :)

    But I'm still not ready to discuss politics, hahahaha.

    xo

     

    Comments

    Um, Genghis, Artie, feel free to move this post to whatever spot you have for personal posts. 

    Everyone else, howdy, I've missed you, and I apologize once again for alienating you.  That said, I still am a proud Obama-bot and please don't give me hell, because I am now living in Republican country and my mother and sister are both conservatives.  Ha!

    (That was sort of a joke, that last bit.  Okay, not really.  More a plea for help, ha.)


    by LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 1:22am

     proud Obama-bot

    I heard Rachel's clip of him at the Spence Bridge, and (save me Jesus!) I felt the tingle trying to crawl down (or is it up, I forget...) my leg.


    by jollyroger on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 2:06am

    It's up, Rogie.  It's always up.


    by LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 2:11am

    Good to know, babe.


    by jollyroger on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 2:35am

    Glad I could help.


    by LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 2:38am

    On a much more personal note (more than I'd intended), things are great, being here with Mom in PA, but I'm not happy with the treatment she's gotten from some of her doctors in the past, so if anyone wants to contribute to the conversation by discussing geriatric psychiatry and/or drugs, please feel free to get in touch with me.

    My email is lis baumann at yahoo dot com and I'd like to hear input on Lamictal, Geodon, Xanax, Effexor and the Exelon patch.  We got Mom off of Geodon and have decreased the Lamictal and Xanax so far, but....jesus, these are WAY too many pills.  And she wonders why she kept falling down???  Oy.


    by LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 2:19am

    Lis, glad you are back on stream.

    It's easy to give advice. Ten years ago my son asked me what I thought about him moving in with his Mom--from whom I had separated a long time before. He was trying to write and I thought it might not be a bad idea. He's still there, and I don't think he'll ever move out. As I said, it's always easy to give others advice. Set a time limit.

    I found Xanax to be a particularly bad drug. I don't know anyone who's on it who is increasing in competence. I took it intermittently for a few years when I was trying to get a business started. I had a realization that it made me somewhat paranoid and dropped it completely.


    by Oxy Mora on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 3:04pm

    Thanks, Oxy.  Mom and I haven't really discussed a time limit.  She pretty much said she'd love me to simply "stay".  We're getting along great so far, but of course no relationship is ever perfect so we might end up changing our minds later on.  Given her health situation, however, I can't really see that I'd want to leave her.  The alternative would be either to have a daily visiting nurse come in, or to hire someone to care for and drive her around, or...a nursing home.  I don't really like those alternatives.

    I appreciate your honest opinion of the Xanax.  Mom's new psychiatrist (replacing the really bad one who put her on all these meds in the first place) doesn't really see the need for it unless Mom has a panic attack, which she hasn't had since the last time she got behind the wheel of her car.  Therefore, we're cutting it out of her daily dosage over the course of this week. 

    Have you ever felt the need for it since you dropped it completely?  I have heard that it is good for panic episodes, and would love to hear more about that.

     


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 4:55pm

    There is no real ground rules for doubling up with family. Find time and space for yourself even if it means you have to join a hobby group. It forces you to make freinds close to your new home and gets you out of the house. When your Tom cats finally stop arguing over the best window and corner of the house, you will be also settled in. I keep track of you on FB when I go visit my grandson at college. He has my lap top. I do this on a phone that is smarter than me. It evens operates my 8 yr old grandson's Lego robotics he builds but I can't get into chat with it. There is a silver lining in families with more than one generation together...living becomes filled with special moments.

    by trkingmomoe on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 3:35am

    Thanks for the good advice, Momoe.  I plan on joining a writing group here at our community, at least until I find a job (it meets during a weekday).  There's also an "informal tai chi" class in the mornings, and I've always wanted to try tai chi.  The leaves are just starting to change and I am going to go walking around with my camera once the weather cooperates. 

    Doing all this will help me get out of the house, hopefully meet some folks in my age group, and give me some time to myself. 

    Now I just have to stop talking about it, and start doing it, LOL!  Thanks again.  You're right about those special moments. 


    by LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 11:24am

    Is Tai Chi anything like Chai Tea?


    by Donal on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 12:27pm

    Tai Chi is one of the best mental and physical exercises. Long ago when I was commuting to Mercer Island, I had to ride my bike through the International District (formerly known as Chinatown) on my way to Judkins Park every single day. There was a huge gathering of people who did Tai Chi at a little park in the middle of the District, mostly elderly Chinese and a smattering of professionals.

    Not only was it beautiful to observe, it was so much fun to stop occasionally to stretch out and obtain balance before continuing on my ride to work. Through movements you train your body to regain it's balance both physically and mentally (chi) to become one with all that is and was. It's pretty cool, I think you would really enjoy that gathering.


    by tmccarthy0 on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 12:36pm

    Hey Lissie... I am still glad you are with your mom. And if anything happened to one of my kids, they could come home in a minute, it's what families are for, we help each other.

    I am glad you are back.


    by tmccarthy0 on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 10:18am

    Thanks, T!  You just reminded me that this is also an adjustment for my mother, not just for me.  Two years ago, I don't think she would've been inclined to invite me and my two cats in, haha.  But when I said something earlier this year about fearing having to live in my station wagon, she said that in no way would she ever let that happen.  She's really been wonderful about making her house my home.  I couldn't ask for a better roomie. 


    by LisB on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 11:26am

    Hey Lis,

    It is good to hear from you.

    I, too, have been losing friends by the method you describe and it definitely makes me feel more remote. The incidents of me alienating other people have increased in number and size.

    Dealing with the heath care behemoth is a time consuming job. One of my sisters who lives close to my mother, takes care of a lot of that while also checking in daily with the wildly changing levels of  autonomy on my mother's part. My sister works a lot of hours on top of that. So us other siblings are trying to do as much of the administrative work involved with appointments, treatment options, etc, from a distance. It has turned out to be tricky sharing that kind of work without creating more problems than it solves. But it has been a lot better solution than just dumping the work on one person.

    Maybe it is Wallace who needs to learn tai chi. You would have to learn it too, of course, in order to keep him on track.


    by moat on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 2:18pm

    When I am stuck, when I am totally without luck, when I have no place to go...

    I must depend upon family.

    Of course, how does one define family?

    Franz Boaz could go on for hours.

    The repubs have nothing to offer but family whilst they seek gov help for all their ails.

    I find it wonderful that some can find relief from those with whom they started.

    Lisb has a friend, friends who will help her and seek her help.

    What is better than that?


    by Richard Day on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 5:24pm

    I love this song, and so does Mom.  Thanks, Dickon.  :)

     


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 4:57pm

    Hey LisB.

    Just to say that the Census is now showing MILLIONS of people are doing what you're doing. It's not just families incorporating multiple generations though, it's also more couples choosing to cohabit because of economic pressures, more people staying on longer in college, etc.

    http://blogs.census.gov/censusblog/2011/09/households-doubling-up.html

    Link.

    A couple of years back I wrote some stuff recommending that people get ready to do this with their families, as it's almost the only viable economic path for many of us. My family has done it repeatedly these past 2-3 years.

    The biggest thing is the feeling of "lost face" we've been made to feel about this. In any previous generation - and for most of the world today - we'd feel fine about it, but our "Live 100% Independently On Your Own" salesmen have done their job well.

    But screw them.

    And I hear what you're saying about the mortality too.

    Stay well.


    by Qumulonimbus (not verified) on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 3:13pm

    Thank you so much.  I hadn't realized just how many people are doing it, so your link definitely helps me feel better.  And, yes!  Screw the salesmen, LOL!!

     


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:00pm

    Hey Lis. It's good to hear from you, and I appreciate your gracious note to the dagbloggers. I think that many of us succumb to the temptation to take out our personal frustrations in the blogosphere--I know that I have--but few enough have the cojones to own up to it.

    But I'm sorry to hear about your troubles and hope that things improve soon. It sounds like you're doing what you need to do in order to cope. You should be proud of that.

    Be well. Try not to let the moderation of feuding cats wear you down. ;)

    G

    PS We don't have a personal section (or a personals section for that matter), but personal writing in the reader blogs is welcome.


    by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 6:13pm

    You should have personals!  Worked for the Village Voice.


    by Michael Maiello on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 1:45am

    Thanks, Genghis.  :)  And, no, don't take Destor's advice - I think the Personals section would get kinda scary here, especially with the likes of Jolly Roger around, hahahahaha....


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:03pm


    by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 10:16pm

    Nice to have you back, Lis.  I even wonder if "I'm an Obama-bot" is the new, "Let your freak flag fly."

    Also, seems like they finally ticked Obama off, doesn't it?  Seems like they're finally getting some biting feisty out of him.  I think it's the campaign that's helping him.  He is a brutal campaigner, as any Hillary supporter like me can attest (not that she didn't throw some bombs).  I feel like he's waking up and looking at his opponents and thinking, "What?  Perry?  That lunatic?  No."  I think he's looking at Romney as something to steamroll over.

    I think he'll win his second term.  But I hope he governs as the guy who's campaigning now, and not as the guy who's been in office.  I don't think that's too much politics for ya.  I think you're ready.


    by Michael Maiello on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 1:52am

    I'm all for letting my freak flag fly, hahahaha...

    And I agree with your assessment of Obama right now.  He's done a lot over the past few weeks to make me smile with pride. 


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:06pm

    I had no idea you were experiencing such tribulation.  I'm very sorry.  You have had enough of that already.  But we don't get to choose what happens to us in this journey so all we can do is the best we can do.  I know how hard it is to experience losses like you have described with jobs and people close to you.  It is not easy to recover from those kinds of major disruptions both emotional and economic.  Sounds though, like you're dealing with it and adapting pretty well and that is great!  I haven't been around here much either for a long time (though I'm sure nobody minds or misses my tirades and that is fine).  I've mostly just been busy at work and with kids.  Not nearly enough free time to concentrate on writing much of anything.  Every now and then I check in though and when I saw this I just felt like touching base with you and to let you know that despite never having met and despite me being a crazed lefty firebrand and you a far more moderate person that I care about what happens to you and hope the very vest for you.  I read much over the past few years about your life history and recall that a great deal of it has not been easy to say the least, but you have shown uncanny resilience and an ability not to get so down as to be paralyzed and sink into a depressed state.

    As for living with a parent I suggest you put your thoughts about that subject in an entirely different framework than the cultural norm about adults who live with their parents, what that means, etc...  Until the past 70 years or so the norm always was to have more than one generation of a family living either together or in very close proximity even in urban areas.  Because we are less than 70 years old we tend to assume arrangements were always kind of similar to what they are now and that just is not the case.  There is a great deal to be said for living with one's parent or parents as an adult.  Yes, it can be difficult adjusting to Mom's habits, routines, and so on but that is true of any room mate or spouse too.  In a real way it is a gift.  Speaking as someone whose parents both died rather early I must say I envy you.  Finances may be difficult but being able to be with your Mom, to talk to her, help her, spend time together with her is more valuable than all the wealth in the world.

    I wish you the very best and that great happiness comes into your life and stays with you.  I hope that sooner rather than later you will get the sort of job you really want and can love and that you'll be able to choose whether or not you want to continue to live with your Mom.


    by oleeb on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 4:35am

    Oleeb, thank you so much.  You made me cry (but in a good way).  Thank you for this beautiful comment.  I promise to treasure my time with Mom.

     


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:09pm

    Oh, Lis.  So glad to see you're writing again at dag, where so many of your old friends show up from time to time.  I don't think G and A really want all politics all the time, and these personal pieces are always welcome.

    It sounds like you've given these new changes in your life a lot of thought and I know you have a good thing going with your mom, so the chances that it will work out for both of you should be right up there.

    Two women in one house makes life interesting, but in order for it to work you each have to promise to find something to laugh about at least 10 times a day.  A surefire plan for success.  (You're welcome.)


    by Ramona on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 9:44pm

    (Thank you.)

    wink

    One great thing about all of this is that my mother has a GREAT sense of humor, and we both get giggle fits throughout the day when we're together.  So the laughter part should be very, very easy for us.  The other good thing is the four cats.  Watching them learn (slowly) to get along -- or at least try to tolerate each other -- has been a lot of fun, and we've learned a lot from them.  Mom's cats have been very accommodating, for the most part.  They had to move with my mother to the first-floor bedroom, and in doing so have pretty much given up the second floor of the house to my cats.  But in the meantime, my cats don't only rule the upstairs, but try to follow me around downstairs as well.  Benny and Joon only have Mom's room as a sanctuary now, and even then my cats will sometimes stroll in there to check things out.  Seeing Mom's cats bristle at this makes me realize that I also need to give my mother her space and not just "take over" the whole place.  :)

    Thanks for welcoming me back, Ramona, it's nice to feel comfortable writing again.  Not that my post was well-written.  I'm woefully out of practice.  But I'll work at it.


    by LisB on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 10:59pm

    There you go, putting Lis down again.  Just stop it!  ;>)


    by Ramona on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 7:51pm

    Hey, 

    Well we've been keeping in touch on FB but I just quit FB and will not be joining the google thing (pissed off about their participation with Fox News etc) so I'm glad you'll be posting here.  I think I'll just spend more time out there in 'real life', lol.  I'll send you a better email address to reach me:) 


    by synchronicity on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 2:11pm

    FB seems to be angering a great number of people, yes.  I hear they are rolling out a whole new profile page/timeline mechanism this week or next.  Not sure how I'll feel about it until after I've had some time to play around with it...but I just can't leave FB altogether yet.  Too many friends and family members there that I wouldn't hear from otherwise. 

    Please send me your newest email address when you can, as I seem to have lost it again.  Oops. 

     


    by LisB on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 2:56pm

    The new Facebook doesn't bother me any more than the old Facebook. It helps me keep better contact with family and friends, and I've reconnected with a few classmates. My Repub family posts the same nonsense they used to send in emails, but now I have LisB on my side.


    by Donal on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 3:46pm