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    Koch Brothers-funded Scientists create camel small enough to fit through eye of a needle

    By William K. Wolfrum on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 9:20am | Politics, Humor & Satire, Religion

    Aside from camels, scientists also created tiny lions so rich people could play with them.

    SWITZERLAND – A group of scientists – working from a huge grant by the Koch Brothers – have created a camel small enough to fit through the eye of a needle, sources say.

    The camel – nicknamed Joel Osteen – was created in laboratory conditions in order to circumvent Jesus Christ’s famous biblical comment:

    “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

    The Koch Brothers were ecstatic at the news.

    “This is just marvelous,” said David Koch – who has a net worth of $43 billion. “We view the Bible as the word of God. Thus, it’s important for us to find any possible loophole to guarantee we not just get to heaven, but get the best spot in heaven.”

    The creation of the tiny camel goes hand-in-hand with a recent project by Koch-funded logicians, who came to the conclusion that since Caesar is dead, he deserves nothing, and if God really wants something, he should ask personally. This circumvents Christ’s comment, “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.”

    Aside from the tiny camel, scientists – at the Koch Brother’s request – also created a tiny lion for the billionaire brothers to play with and show off at parties.

    “Just for shits and giggles,” said Charles Koch – who also has a net worth of $43 billion. “Look at it. It’s just adorable.”

    Jesus Christ could not be reached for comment.

     –WKW

    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

    Topics: 
    Politics
    Humor & Satire
    Religion

    Comments

    I follow @Jesus_M_Christ on twitter, I've forwarded this to him so we can once and for all get his formal opinion on the Kochsuckers messing with his dad's work. I know you want to thank me. But there is no need for that, I am just here to help.


    by tmccarthy0 on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 9:30am

    I'm stuck. It's either you or Wolfie.

    But I must render unto Mac the Dayly Line of the Day Award for this here Dagblog site given to all of her from all of me!

    Kochsuckers?

    hahahahahahahahhahahah


    by Richard Day on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 9:40am

    Oh, I'll thank you, all right.


    by William K. Wolfrum on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 9:44am

    You know, back in the 70's, I built an entire man for just $6 million.

    Weirdest coincidence.... we called him Steve Osteen.


    by Qnonymous (not verified) on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 11:36am

    Can they also make stuff bigger? Just wonderin'


    by Michael Wolraich on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 11:39am

    I'm way ahead of you, G-man.

    These rich idiots spent millions -- more likely billions -- miniaturizing a camel when the obvious solution -- simpler, cheaper and faster -- was just to build a ginormous needle, with an eye so big they could drive their limos and truckloads of money into the afterlife with them.

    My even simpler solution is to stay poor. It's working so far.


    by acanuck on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 12:06pm

    Yeah, a ginormous...um...needle. That's why I asked.


    by Michael Wolraich on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 12:49pm

    That would be cool, too. It's unlikely to get any of us into heaven, which was the original plan. But yeah, sometimes in life you have to make trade-offs and hard choices.


    by acanuck on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 11:47pm

    Maybe we could erect giant needles in prominent places along the coastline.


    by Donal on Sat, 05/05/2012 - 9:53am

    You mean like this? Seattle is way ahead of you bub.


    by tmccarthy0 on Sat, 05/05/2012 - 10:35am

    In all seriousness, a typical solution to that particular "problem", is to assert that The Eye of the Needle was a gate in Jerusalem. It was a short gate, and so the camel had to get down on its knees and have all of its baggage removed. There are variations on this. Here's one web-site that discusses it, along with other tricks to resolve the "dilemma".


    by Verified Atheist on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 12:20pm

    That isn't The Eye of the Needle VA, it's a damn Stargate!


    by tmccarthy0 on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 12:59pm

    Interesting. But not as much fun as the attempts to ground biblical miracles in historic events.


    by Michael Wolraich on Fri, 05/04/2012 - 1:02pm

    This is what I am talking about you bastards!

    I mean you take Mac's pun and exaggerate it for headline effect.

    hahahahahahahah

    I never have any idea who is in charge.

    Whoever is in charge; frick you! hahahahahahahahah

    Mac hit the jackpot here.

    hahahahahahhahaha

    So at least have the presence to attribute your obscenity to her.

    hahahahahahahahahah


    by Richard Day on Sat, 05/05/2012 - 3:20am