William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Welcome to DagBlog! Have you learned the 'Wolfrum Rules' yet?

    I see that Dagblog is getting a diverse group of new voices via Readers Blogs. As a regular  contributor, I'd like to say hi and tell you a little about myself:

    1) My name is William K. Wolfrum

    2) DagBlog is my bitch.

    Now on the first one, you can give me endearing nicknames if you wish, like "Wolfie," or "WKW," or "Mr. Wolfrum." It's, of course, best not to address me at all, but we\ll get to that later.

    On the second issue, we really have to look into the past. Because I believe once you look into the past, you'll see I'm far, far too good to be posting here, of all places.

    My story truly begins 22 years ago, when a then-naive 18-year-old boy went to Alaska. I was 21 at the time the boy left, and sitting in the plane next to him. It was at 21 that I arrived in Alaska, and in the years since, so much has happened. And so little of it is your business, actually.
    Just know that in the interim between now and 1988, I have gone to Alaska, done a bunch of other things, then showed up here at Dagblog. So I guess looking at my past doesn't really help. No matter.

    Now, let's list the rules on how I should be dealt with:

    1. Never make eye-contact with me.
    2. Do not speak to me.
    3. Do not threaten me.
    4. Don't e-mail me.
    5. Before writing a blog post, look back through everything I have ever written. If I previously covered the subject, drop it. Trust me, I did it way better.

    I think you'll see the trend. Please note, this is not out of rudeness. But how many other A-Level, big-shot bloggers give you any of their time? I see no reason to buck this trend.

    I know a lot of you from the time I spent at TPM Cafe. You may notice I was polite and approachable. Well, this isn't the Cafe anymore. Here at Dagblog, my role is that of the narcissistic, loner, moody hyper-genius. And that means I just don't have the time to say "thank you," every time one of you calls my work "brilliant."

    There are positives. First, you can tell everyone you work with at the same blog as William K. Wolfrum. That's like 10,000 Extra Internet Bonus Bucks for you right there. Lest you forget, I'm a really important Internet person. I was the one who uncovered Martin Eisenstadt, as reported by the New York Times, after all.

    Also a positive for you new writers is that I am no authority figure. I could care less what you do here. Post nothing but videos of amputee porn and say it's a metaphor for the American economy. Like I care. Sure, Genghis will, but I'll be cool with it.

    Now, really, I understand many may feel put off by my confidence, ability and notoriety. Here's the thing: Deal. Sure it would be in better for me to be self-deprecating here with a little laugh and a "Oh, I'm no. Hemingway," joke, but the fact is, as far as this joint goes - I. AM. HEMINGWAY.

    Also, please note that about half my blog posts are dedicated to myself. I'm like a rapper that way. Half my releases are about myself and how much bling I got. Plus, trust me, if you were me, you'd be writing about me, as well.

    So that's about it. Once again, I'm very excited you're all here, provided you understand the basic "Stay away from Wolfrum" philosophy we employ.

    Please feel free to introduce yourself in comments. I do occasionally read the comment section, though I doubt I'll respond and there's no chance in hell I'll remember your name or your work. I'll do my best to recognize your general existence. And let's face it, that's a hell of a lot better than you'll get from most A-Listers.

    Now, if you don't mind, I'll be busy the rest of the day trying to get Atrios to return my phone calls.



    Hello Mr. Wolfrum, my name is Genghis. Thank you for your post. Sorry, I wasn't aware that you blogged here, but welcome.

    You obviously were not paying attention to "Super-Bad Ass Karate Guy"

    I think he has Mega-Shark break-out potential.

    I thought that was a picture of Kim Il Sung starring in an upcoming Jackie Chan film, Pyongyang Up the Yin Yang.

    (Correction: Kim Jong Il)

    Looks to me like Jim Some Il there has managed to embed his right thumb in his skull. 

    Which explains some things.

    I think the proper moniker is "K[im] Bill 'Frum".

    Nice one. (50 cents says he never figures it out.)

    Nice sunglasses. Elegant and understated.




    It is very important that you look me in the eye.

    I see that I must present a new revised version of Craig Crawford's Rules for Bloggers.

    At any rate, if you have no real life on the outside and happen upon one of my posts you will find me to always be courteous and cool headed--unless I am in one of those moods.

    Of course when I get in one of those moods people like Q and Larry show up and cheer me on.

    the end--for now

    If you ever really want to upset him Dick, just mention - you know, casually, in passing - how wolves have the smallest penises of any animal. And that that's what hyena's are laughing about.

    Totally burns Wolfman up. Guaranteed. 

    Smallest penises, entire animal kingdom. Worse even than pigeons, apparently. 

    Wow; I posted several hours ago, asking what the wold might look like if women were measureing their vaginas.  Didn't make it onto the post.  Got me wondering if 'vaginas' are verbotten here.  Or what.

    Well, crap; 'world'.  Still.

    Don't listen to Articleman. He has only just returned and is still trying to figure out what's going on. Of course, those of us who have been around the whole time are still trying to figure out what's going on too.

    In any case, there is no vagina censor here. If you couldn't post, it was a technology problem. Feel free to contact me, and I'll try to help you work it out.

    PS Articleman was referring to the promotion policy. We're less likely to promote a reader blog with obscenity to the front page because google news might delist us, but your post is not on the reader blog list at all, so there must have been some snafu.

    It did post, after three tries at the floating letters and numbers in the little box to verify...something...

    My point was that 'penises' were not removed.  I don't make it a habit of being crude; I truly wanted to know about the obverse of penis-talk, which wan't removed.

    I see. I thought that you meant that you tried to blog. I don't know who took your vagina, but I'll keep an eye out for it.

    Seriously, moderating the comments is responsibility of the blogger, so it all depends which thread you made it on. Wolfrum is pretty easygoing about his comment threads, I think.

    PS If you register, you won't have to deal with the floating letters. We used to have a lot of spam issues, so I set up the floating letter thing, which is not only spam proof but also somewhat human proof.

    LOL!  Loved it..."If you see my Ducky, please send her home to me.., la la..."

    But seriously, I wondered at the non-equivalence that's seen everywhere.  Penis, okey-dokey, Vagina, not so much.  I'm not fan of the word, but I really was trying to address a larger point.

    Even our local hick.redneck paper ran ads for an upcoming production of "The Vagina Monlogues", though I'm certain they would have preferred 'V****a Monolgues'.

    Register?!?  Commit?!?  Oy; I'll have to run it by my shrink tomorrow, dear...  ;o)

    And thanks...didn't  mean to make a thing, but...

    What can I say? America is afraid of vaginas.

    And blog registration, apparently.

    Whew; glad we resolved it, Genghis-me-boy; I was afraid I was going to have to call for an emergency meeting of the Golden Vaginas Club.  We formed it at the Cafe after some especially vitriolic sexist name-calling at the Cafe awhile back...Remember: We GVs know how to run a Protest!!!  Don't mess with us!

    Nice try.  Now get back in your crib or no num nums for you.

    Don't believe a word Mr. Wolfrum says about me and the so-called "New York Times".  You can read all about Wolfrum, who is a major character in my critically-acclaimed book "I Am Martin Eisenstadt: One Man's (wildly inappropriate) Adventures with the Last Republicans."  Now, who's got a dubious existence!

    But Martin--or should I say Mr. Eisenstadt--it seems even Dagblog thinks your existence is dubious.  Right after your name it says (not verified).  That's gotta hurt.

    I remember the day I was verified. I felt six feet tall.

    I remember the day I was verified. I felt six feet tall.

    Okay, okay, Donal.  We heard you. Wink

    No no... I am Eisenstadt. 

    I have been accused of being Eisenstadt, as well, or of not existing at all. I can neither confirm nor deny any of it. I mean, I CAN, I just won't.

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