Michael Wolraich's picture

    BREAKING: McCain denies deal with the Devil

    The blogosphere is abuzz with rumors about a secret deal between John McCain and Satan. A contributor to popular political blog, TPM Cafe, first broke the story last week in a post entitled, Lady MacDeath - A Faustian Bargain of Sinister Deception. According to blogger TheraP, who does not quote any sources, Satan promised John McCain the Presidency in 2008 in return for sacrificing his soul and selecting Sarah Palin to be his running mate. David Ignatius, op-ed columnist to the Washington Post, apparently deemed the story credible enough to mention the alleged deal in his column the next day, though he does not cite TheraP directly. A damning photo has also surfaced in another TPM Cafe blog by user ☠enghis (no relation), which appears to show John McCain in the act of signing a contract with a demonic being, though the terms are obscured.

    If the rumors can be substantiated, it could complicate John McCain's election chances. In a 2006 interview with Ignatius, McCain declared, "The worst thing I can do is sell my soul to the devil." If it turns out that McCain has in fact sold his soul, the Obama campaign may try to brand him as a flip-flopper. Even if his soul were not part of the arrangement, McCain could face sharp criticism for negotiating with a supernatural entity that most Americans despise. According to a recent Gallup poll, Satan tops the list of the The Most Evil Things Ever, coming in fifth place after taxes, pedophilia, greedy bankers, and hemorrhoids. Finally, voters may question McCain's judgment in entering a contract with Satan, who is notorious for double-dealing. According to Maggie Walsh, Professor of Human-Demon Relationships at University of California, Sunnydale, "any contractual relationship with Mephistopheles is risky, but it doesn't take a rocket theologian to see how this one's going to play out. McCain will get his Presidency, the Devil will get his Vice President, and then poof: Palin's in the White House and McCain's in the Red House. I hope that he had a good lawyer."

    The McCain campaign has officially ignored the allegations, but as the rumors swirl, McCain is apparently feeling the heat. Asked about the charges at a town hall meeting yesterday, McCain responded angrily, "I did not have contractual relations with that demon, you little jerk." Meanwhile, campaign spokesman, Tucker Bounds, tried to tie Obama to the Devil, telling CNN news, "It's well known that Obama's advisor's sister-in-law's niece is a Satanist. Perhaps the media should be asking Senator Obama the hard questions about his relationship with the Devil."

    Satan's office has also put out a press relying denying that any deal had taken place, "We reject and denounce the long discredited practice of soul trafficking, and we have a firm policy against meddling in human affairs." But a source close to the Devil who refused to be identified for fear of eternal damnation insinuated that the policy was flexible, "I can't talk about any deals, but Satan has a soft spot for righteous hypocrisy and a great deal of respect for the way John McCain has run his Presidential campaign." Asked whether Satan has ever done any deals with representatives from the Federal Government, she replied, "Let's just say that the White House visitation logs are still incomplete."

    AttachmentSize
    Image icon mccain-devil3.jpeg140.27 KB

    Comments

    Break a leg with the new site gentlemen!

    Bruce


    Thanks so much for the good wishes, Bruce. Come back often. We'll be posting here more often and on a greater variety of subjects than at TPM.


    Latest Comments