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    Karzai Keeps Presidency, names Andre Agassi as Afghanistan's 'Drug Czar'

    KABUL - Proud citizens stood outside the home of Hamid Karzai this morning, cheering the re-election of the Afghanistan President after Afghan officials canceled Saturday’s run-off presidential vote following the withdrawal from the race of the last challenger, Abdullah Abdullah.

    Shouting slogans like “Yes We Can,” “Change we can believe in,” and “Can your brother score me a dime bag?” Karzai supporters partied into the early hours of the morning, celebrating the victory. In a brief statement, Karzai applauded his supporters’ help.

    “Without you voting, we could never have changed you votes,” said Karzai. “Your support has been vital, especially those of you that voted several hundred times.”

    Dr. Abdullah, who dropped out of the race Sunday, called the election a “victory for Democracy that sets Afghanistan on the path to liberty and freedom.”

    “Mmmphh, grrsszz, bbllpphhhh,” said Abdullah with a gun lodged firmly between his teeth. “Brrrrkks. Brrrvvll, gaaaa.”

    Karzai was quick to make changes to his cabinet, naming former tennis superstar Andre Agassi as his new “Drug Czar.”

    “Anyone who can win the U.S. Open while hopped up on Meth is the perfect addition to my cabinet,” said Karzai. “He will work closely with my brother on drug issues.”

    Karzai’s victory was also a victory for the United States Central Intelligence Agency, which devised the political strategy that led Karzai to his win.

    “This is part of our ‘permanent American Majority’ plan,” said CIA Director Leon Panetta. “By playing all sides of this election, we were able to get the result we wanted, at the low price of 833 U.S. troops. It’s a proud day, indeed.”

    Critics of the controversial election were generally quiet and mostly duct-taped to chairs in undisclosed locations. American critics on both the left and the right were also quiet about Karzai’s victory, preferring to focus instead on the more Twitter-friendly issue of Iran’s election fraud.

    “Ahmadinejad’s so-called victory goes against all democratic principles,” said U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman, pointing out that Twitterers save seven character spaces by focusing on Iran. “Unless Iran can be democratic, we must consider a first-strike attack or at least keep the U.S. from receiving health care to showcase the plight of Iranians.”


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    You can hardly expect people to get their outrage on about another tainted election in the Middle East (or wherever Afghanistan is) so soon after Iran. Besides, Karzai is our boy, and he doesn't make outrageous anti-Semitic speeches to the UN, so where's the fun? Maybe if there were some youtube video of Karzai torturing puppies or something...

    I would like to suggest that he appoint Sarah Palin as their secretary of state (or whatever title they use).  She has experience monitoring Russia and the Russians (then Soviets) have long been a threat to peaceloving Afghans...which ever two or three of them that might be.

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