UNCLE BEN'S

Evidently there were some problems with the last 1.1 billion one hundred dollar bills printed a short while ago.  Some unknown percentage of these bills is fucked up.

Because officials don’t know how many of the 1.1 billion bills include the flaw, they have to hold them in the massive vaults until they are able to develop a mechanized system that can sort out the usable bills from the defects.

Sorting such a huge quantity of bills by hand, the officials estimate, could take between 20 and 30 years. Using a mechanized system, they think they could sort the massive pile of bills, each of which features the familiar image of Benjamin Franklin on the face, in about one year.

The defective bills – which could number into the tens of millions, potentially representing billions of dollars in face value – will have to be burned, they say. American taxpayers have already spent an enormous amount of money to print the bills.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40531910/ns/business-cnbc_tv/

Okay, what we have is a products liability case.

In the United States, all paper money is engraved and printed by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, which is part of the Department of the Treasury of the federal government. The Bureau also prints postage stamps, savings bonds, treasury notes, and many other items. The main production facility is located in Washington, D.C., and there is a smaller facility in Fort Worth, Texas. Every day, the Bureau prints approximately 38 million pieces of paper money. About 45% of this production are $1 bills and 25% are $20 bills. The rest of the production is divided between $5, $10, $50, and $100 bills. Although the $2 bill is still in circulation, it is rarely used, and therefore is rarely printed. Each bill, regardless of its denomination, costs the government about 3.8 cents to produce.

Read more: How paper currency is made - manufacture, making, history, used, composition, steps, product, machine, Raw Materials, Design, The Manufacturing Process, Quality Control http://www.madehow.com/Volume-3/Paper-Currency.html#ixzz17VEyz0Fo

So, according to recent articles, 110 billion dollars in hundred dollar bills are just lying around in Texas somewheres.

And that means we lost 1.1 billion x $.038 per one hundred dollar bill. Hell that is almost as much money as a top management official makes on Wall Street in an entire year. OOOOOOOOOPS!!!

But as my old pappy used to say, if you have a lot of lemons get some vodka…or something like that.

And what is this talk about twenty to thirty years? Hell the Great Pyramid supposedly took only twenty years to build—probably with the help of legal aliens.

Look we have millions of people with nothing to do all day but fill out unemployment forms and curse their lives.

We do not have to wait 30 years to separate all the good bills from the bad bills.

What about a new stimulus plan?

Seventeen million people are without work and we have 100 billion dollars laying around doing nothing.

Now, we are lucky to live in America because a billion is only a thousand million—unlike the U.K. I mean when the U.K. spends a billion I mean it spends a billion.

Anyhow, my idea is that we set up a lottery and one million people out of the 17 million unemployed will partake in the stimulus.

Once the computer peeps select the million—and we can keep repubs happy by blocking out all the Mohammed’s and Pedros and such—we put a system in place.

The select million will all receive a packet with 1000 one hundred dollar bills. And once you receive the packet you read the one page instruction sheet and simply put all the good bills in one voucher packet and all the bad bills in the other voucher packet—and then mail it all back in the return envelope.

Now, I know what you are all thinking. I mean this would all be on the honor system.

BUT HELL, WALL STREET IS RUN ON THE HONOR SYSTEM. Hell most of the capitalism goin on out there is run on the honor system anyway.

And we would allow each lottery winner the opportunity to keep four or five of the good bills and another four or five of the bad bills so they could fleece some liquor store operators and drug dealers and such.

What do you think?