kalakitty17's picture

    Prayer by Numb3rs: A Breakdown of Prayer Requests on Social Networking Sites.

    • 25  Number of times per day I request prayers for myself.
    • 24  Number of times per day those prayers are requested through facebook.  As in, "I am having a hard time thinking of what I should make for dinner.  I could really use your prayers!"
    • 15  Number of times per day I tell someone that I will be praying for them.
    • 15  Number of times per day those promises are made through facebook.  As in, "Oh Lisa, I SO know what you are going through!  I have NO idea what to make for dinner either!  You will DEFINITELY be in my prayers!"
    • 10  Number of times (out of ten) a heathen would call these facebook prayer requests shallow and attention-starved.  How silly and sad those heathens are!  They have no idea about the true power of prayer!
    • 5   Number of friends I have had to leave behind (like Jesus will) when they responded to one of my prayer requests with some variation of, "You will be in my thoughts".  The correct answer obviously has nothing to do with thoughts!
    • 1   Number of cents I would wager that all whom claim to be Christian are actually following through on these faceless oops, I mean, facebook requests.

    If you are like me, you have found these new social networking sites to be an excellent prayer request medium.  Sadly, we have been unable to escape persecution even in this virtual world.  I received two messages this week from two different hell-bound acquaintances, expressing their discomfort in our righteous pleas.  One pathetic soul wrote, "With all that is going on in the world how could you in good conscience, request prayer so frivolously?"  What an obvious and sickning display of jealousy!  Granted, I'd be jealous too if Jesus was running around answering 'their' prayers!  Don't fall for any of these low-down-dirty tactics my fellow Christ-fighters!  These godless freaks have won the battle of keeping prayer out of our schools (the battle, not the war!) but they will not keep it out of our facebook!



    Help us to keep our facebook status-update prayer-requests alive!

    Immediately request 10 prayers to know pure Christlike Love!

    Request 5 prayers over the next couple of days to know Christ!

    Request no prayers and KNOW NO LOVE!

    Yours in Christ,



    Looks like you had some trouble with our state-of-the-art technology. I heard your prayer and fixed up the formatting for you. You can bless me later.

    Thank you Genghis. I have updated my facebook status to read: Praise Genghis and Dagblog! True Warriors in Christ!

    I see this so often on Facebook - and myspace where these whiny housewives will get on there an complain about how hard their day is. Don't get me wrong - I understand being a mom is a very hard job - but do you have to have these nonsensical conversations where you shed every bit of your femininity? Sure - we'll pray for you because you don't feel well - but do we have to know that your "BM's" are especially large and hurtey? No. No we don't. We'll pray for you because you and the hubby aren't as intimate as you once were - but do we have to know it's because he likes a Mexican hairless and you're more comfortable with a French poodle who hasn't had a haircut in years? No - definitely no we don't. And guys - just an FYI - I don't know how Jesus likes to get his prayer requests - but I'm pretty sure he's not going to help you find a rohypnol dealer. But hey - I guess what's the harm in asking. Oh - ya - the harm is you go to hell for trying to date rape people. So - I know it was a bit off topic - but I just had to let someone know to keep the prayer requests generic on the ol' facebook. Some of us haven't had lunch yet.

    Wow, who are your facebook friends?

    This is EXACTLY the type of shit I am talking about crazed! Well I may be born again, but I wasn't born again yesterday!

    Well, this is the type of thing that makes me want to get down on my knees and start pleasin' Jesus - I want to feel his salvation all over my face...... Courtesy of Faith + 1 Eric Cartman, Token Black, and Butters

    Well Ms. Kala - I just cant get over how many of these pitiful fools think that some magic sky diety is going to have the time or energy or leftover magic dust to grant their prayers about helping with dinner.  I mean - if God was a him - and we were made in His image, wouldn't he then be using his powers to watch 24 hour free amateur porn?  He could just watch us all do  it.  He's just up there - watchin away.

    Sweet Dreams!

    Foot in mouth

    Is there a way to buy indulgences through facebook too?

    And I'm on facebook - ya'll should friend me, just search my name (I'm the only Larry Jankens on there). 

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