The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    MrSmith1's picture

    Three Simple Solutions

    By MrSmith1 on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 11:46am |
    I offer three simple solutions to problems which affect our nation ...
     
    1) Give Fictional characters the same rights as corporations and 'reality-based' humans.  Character personhood would open up a whole new area for political recruitment and campaign financing.  It would also make it possible to appoint Atticus Finch to the Supreme Court.
     
    2)  Starting next month, the bags of money we're giving to the Afghan warlords must come with the provision that they invest at least 48% of that money in the American infrastructure, thus creating jobs here at home in addition to more clerical jobs in Afghanistan.  (Of course, to ensure the warlords make a decent enough return on their investment,  the Federal government may have to make some wiseguys in the asphalt business an offer that they can't refuse, but never mind that.)
     
    And finally,
     
    3) Pass a law requiring mandatory liposuction for anyone more than 15 pounds over their ideal body weight.  Not only would this solve America's obesity problem, but our energy problems as well.  And it would lower health care costs long term. Think about how long America relied on whale oil as it's primary source of energy.  Then think of how many overweight people there are in America.  Dear God, the 21nd century electrical needs of New Jersey could be run on Chris Christie's body fat alone.
     
     
    Now, who says Democrats can't come up with creative solutions?

    Comments

    Can I make one more suggestion?  Get rid of the military all together, and just let Jack Bauer watch our back.


    by CVille Dem on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 3:36pm

    What? And give up his job as head of Seal Team 6?


    by MrSmith1 on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 4:08pm

    Hahahahahah

    Bob Cratchit for Gov. ha


    by Richard Day on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 3:50pm

    Sorry, but Cratchit's American citizenship papers are not in order.  On the other hand, I hear Tom Joad has filed to run for Sen. Coburn's seat in Oklahoma.


    by MrSmith1 on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 4:11pm

    Shit; looks like I'm Heading for Liposuction; is it anything like Heading to Rehab?

    Yeah; if the money from Afghanistan came as cash...those bales would disappear pretty flippin' fast, wouldn't they?  Nice idea, though, Mr. Smith.    ;o)

    Can we add: Replace War with Rollerball?  Every Nation gets a team, no substitutions...


    by we are stardust on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 5:39pm

    Rollerball would probably cost too much, unless we got a good broadcast package like the Olympics.. Better to replace war with the board game Risk.  Decide all future wars and border disputes with a roll of the dice!   hahaha


    by MrSmith1 on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 6:11pm

    Or use the bales of cash from Afghanistan to fund it...


    by we are stardust on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 6:29pm

    #1. Now THAT'S an idea!


    by quinn esq on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 6:26pm