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Dumb It Down, Mr. President

President Barack Obama's speech on Tuesday night has garnered some negative reviews, not so much due to the message itself - that's inconsequential, after all - as much as the difficult language used by our Commander-in-Chief. Paul Payack, the president of Global Language Monitor, a Texas-based company that analyzes the cultural impact of word choices, considered President Obama's speech to have been written at a 9.8 grade level.

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Health Care Book Making Few Waves

So, you, like so many oth­ers, have spent the recent months on the road with a mot­ley crew of Mensa mem­bers in 18th cen­tury gar­ments, protest­ing against health care, tax cuts, edu­ca­tion, lamp-posts, and shop­ping carts with one miss­ing wheel.

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Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

The layman definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results.

That mentality, incidentally, also appears to be the cornerstone of Republican politics. We have seen it many times before: start a war or two, give tax cuts to the rich, and expect the national debt to decrease. If at first you don't succeed...

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Scott Brown's Injury Not Expected To Delay Move To Capitol Hill

Immediately following the recent injury of freshly elected Republican Senator Scott Brown, there has been some speculation that the Massachusetts Senator might not be sworn in this afternoon after all. However, according to a source at the House GOP leadership, such rumors and speculations are not only premature, but entirely baseless.

"We don't expect Senator Brown's ceremony this afternoon to be delayed. He will be sworn in at around 5 pm, and will thereafter be able to vote on any bills that may come before the Senate," reported an aide on the condition of anonymity.

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Vive La Resistance!

Now that President Obama's approval ratings are slipping, and the good people of Massachusetts have voted in their first Republican senator in almost forty years, it's time to get real about politics in this country. It's time to take leadership into our own hands.

Brother, I know what you are thinking: "how am I supposed to feed my horse and my wife the next winter when the government wants to spend my money on health care and education?" This is a difficult question, one that needs an easy answer.

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College Republicans Irked by the Threat of Original Thought

It must be difficult for the GOP these days. On one hand, they want to continue to appeal to Bible-thumping, teabagging, gun-toting bigots, but on the other, they also want to extend their congregation beyond the high school drop-outs and the plantation owners. This level of re-branding is hard enough to do without the family of one of their most recognizable Senators breaking ranks with the party on one of their core issues.

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Nine Out of Ten Taliban Agree: Dead Animals Do Not Belong in Polo

At least the Taliban and I can agree on something.

During their regime in Afghanistan, the Taliban banned the popular Central Asian sport, Buzkashi. This, uh, sport consists of horseback men riding around and trying to drag a dead calf into a ring in the sand.

If you find this objectionable for some odd reason, don’t worry – a goat can also be used.

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Why I Miss George W. Bush

Now, those were not the greatest eight years this country has ever seen, I’ll admit that right off the bat. Yet, I can’t help but miss having George in the White House. Here’s why.

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