WASHINGTON – Having returned to prominence with a campaign dedicated to promoting job creation and cutting spending, Congressional Republicans have made repealing Health Care Reform and redefining the word “rape” their two most pressing issues since taking control of the House.

Then Why Is It Snowing, Mr. Gore?

The former Vice-President and climate change activist offers a number of responses to this most pressing question.

By your reckoning, the Earth is 6,000 years old.  Give it time.

Because you keep voting for people who make sure that you can’t afford to retire some place tropical.

It snows on the righteous and the just and, well… you. 

It’s not snow, it’s angel kisses. Feel better now?

The Ski Resort Industrial Complex.

Soros!

AMERICA – A Federal Court in Florida has struck down Capitalism, ruling that the requirement for individuals to live under any type of economic system is unconstitutional.

Having watched events unfold in Egypt this past week, I must say I am impressed by the bravery and strength of will shown by the Egyptian people. They are standing tall against a dictatorial regime, and that is to be applauded.

Hey everyone!

First, let me thank the Undecided Voters who have asked me to give this rebuttal - which is like a speech thing I'm told and is important.  Anyway, President Barack Obama's was talking last night was on a bunch of channels I'm told. I saw a little of it and thought his tie was kind of weird, but maybe it stood for something important like Barney.

Before I start this blog post, let me make one thing absolutely clear - I do not, under any circumstance, advocate armed insurrection against the United States. That, my friends, is totally not my scene.

TUPELO, MISS — Tim Johnson – a vital source to journalist and blogger William K. Wolfrum – has been declared missing after disappearing a week ago following a camping excursion. Johnson, 43, was last seen doing arm curls with a baby bear last Friday. His whereabouts are currently unknown.

Johnson has been a featured source in numerous blog posts by Wolfrum, including:

VATICAN - Pope John Paul II will be beatified on May 1, after Vatican officials judged that the deceased pontiff's ability to make child molestation and sexual abuse charges seem like no big deal was officially a miracle.

SWEDEN - After a full decade of research, a team of Swedish scientists has confirmed that no matter how many guns a man owns, his penis will remain small and insignificant.

Those inside Sarah Palin's inner circle have come forward to admit the ex-Governor of Alaska was truly heartbroken over the recent massacre in Arizona.

"Sarah is destroyed." said a Palin Associate. "She had a new ad with her holding a hunting rifle to Obama's head. It's a great ad. And harmless. But now she just can't use it.

Groucho always knew the score …

It seems traditional to do top ten lists this time of year, but I was stumped until A-Man noted that blogs had ruts. So I want commenter lists of the top ten subject ruts, which will really be the bottom ten, least-covered, but important subjects.

I'm not a Christian, but like many Jews, I've envied Christmas since childhood. I like the twinkly lights, pink-cheeked carolers, heartwarming television specials, and exuberantly ho-ho-ho-ing Santa Clauses ... pretty much everything except the endless renditions of "Jingle Bells" warbling from every audio speaker in the country.

Most of all, I love the spirit of good will associated with Christmas -- smiles from strangers, charitable giving and other acts of kindness. We Jews have a holiday called Purim for spreading joy and charity, but Purim also involves raucously cheering the murder of 75,000 Persians, which is somewhat low on the good will meter.

In recent years, however, I've been dismayed that the Christmas spirit I admire has come under attack. Angry people have been exploiting the holiday as an opportunity to vilify their opponents. Vilifying opponents is also low on the good will meter, albeit not as low as murdering Persians.

Read the full story at CNN.com

NORTH POLE - Looking trim following lap-band surgery, Santa Claus held a press conference today to announce a fundamental change in his long-time tradition of giving toys to good children.

Intent on cutting costs as well as teaching ideological lessons, Claus, 43, said that the time was now for Americans to stop looking for handouts.

"If 'don't ask, don't tell' is repealed and you are assigned to bathroom facilities (that have)] an open bay shower that someone you believe to be a gay or lesbian service member also used, which are you most likely to do?"

-- Question on 2010 Department of Defense Comprehensive Review Survey of Uniformed Active Duty and Reserve Service Members

It seems that ensuring shower security for American soldiers and Marines is critical to maintaining our global military pre-eminence. If our brave men and women cannot comfortably bathe in environments free from the risk of homosexual lust, how can we expect them to battle armed Taliban insurgents and other enemies?

In order to assess the gay shower hazard and other threats to military readiness if the "don't ask, don't tell" policy were repealed, the Department of Defense surveyed American troops over the summer.

Adm. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, found the results reassuring. He told the Senate Armed Services Committee, "Repeal of the law will not prove an unacceptable risk to military readiness. ... I believe our troops and their families are ready for this," although he acknowledged, "some soldiers and Marines may want separate shower facilities."

Read the full story at CNN.com

Much has been said about Julian Assange and Wikileaks. The Australian-born hacker has put America in grave danger due to his publication of classified information that someone else stole.

And he must die.

Lots of talk, not much action.

We must stop all leaks.

WORLD - Fecal matter is within 13 centimeters of the fan, say noted Swedish researchers in a study to be published in the journal "Hey, We Might Just Be Boned Here Annual." Leading Researcher Tim Jöhnson said the proximity of the fecal matter to the fan should be cause for alarm, but apparently isn't.

Ooooohhh, colors.