William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Blogger admits to having Masturbation problem

    MY OFFICE – Blogger William K. Wolfrum came out and admitted today what many had long suspected – that he has a masturbation problem.

    “Looking at it pragmatically, yes, I do have a problem,” said Wolfrum, unaware of the pun he was about to create. “When times get hard, I go to masturbation.”

    What Wolfrum and his critics are pointing to and laughing at is Wolfrum’s penchant to incorporate masturbation as a central theme in his blog posts. Previous masturbatory posts include:

    Many have pointed out that the South Dakota masturbation post reads quite a bit like the Oklahoma masturbation post, acknowledging it as a sign Wolfrum had begun masturbating to his own masturbations, to coin a phrase.

    “I know he’s Mr. Fancy-Pants Interesting Point Guy, but enough with the masturbation, ok?” said one disgruntled reader. “It’s played out.”

    For his part, Wolfrum admitted he needed to cut back on masturbatory posts.

    “All this focus on masturbation is taking the focus away from the array of topical posts I write daily,” said I, kind of losing track of character perspective in this post. “From here on out, I will avoid playing with masturbation, except in blatant ego-stroking posts such as this.

    “He-he. Stroking,” he (?) added.


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    Bravo, sir. *sound of one hand clapping*

    The doc gave me some pills and after ten days or so...

    The Clapping stopped.

    Thank the Good Lord!


    Guy's a whack-job.

    We've got a wiener, folks.

    Enough of these inscrotable comments. Might as well erect a statue in honor of his two-stroke engine instead, as a hard and fast tribute to fleeting fame, though am a bit worried it'll make him a bit slap-happy. Maybe a Palm d'Or instead.

    Palm d'Or.


    No way anyone beats that.

    Bada boom.

    Was waiting for someone to slap me down for using a Eurozone elitist term. Like every time I tell them I'm going to the Cannes, they tell me to shut the door.

    You misunderstand. They're saying, "Je t'adore."

    Oops! Is it too late to take back my réponse? Je regrette....

    Jeez, Wolfrum.  Even you seem to get that it's time to quit beating a dead horse; so quit beating it.

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