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    Koch Brothers donations give them final say on the Rapture

    By William K. Wolfrum on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 10:24am | Politics, Humor & Satire

    HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

    David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had essentially taken control of the economics departments of such public colleges as Florida State University. In the FSU case, the Koch Brothers donated $1.5 million to the economics department, but with the caveat that the money could be taken away should the brothers disagree with any new hires.

    With the Rapture less than a week away, the Koch Brothers decided now was the time to get things right with eternity.

    “There’s no way in hell that we’re spending eternity next to ordinary Americans,” reportedly said David Koch. “It was spendy, but it’s worth it.”

    The amount the Koch Brothers donated to the Heaven Fund – a public entity – has yet to be announced. A spokesman for the fund spoke of the good the money will do.

    “This is really a Kochsend, you know,” said the spokesman. “Now we can have upgrade our ‘Two-Minute Hate / Wine-Tasting Cathedrals.’ Praise the Koch Brothers!”

    The spokesman added that the likely list of who shall be Raptured on May 21 is down to roughly 400 people.

    –WKW

    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

    Topics: 
    Politics
    Humor & Satire

    Comments

    And of course these Koch's donate heavily directly to political campaigns as well.  Curious how much they've given to your congresspersons?  Find out here: http://dirtysecrets.org/. 


    by Jamie Friedland on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 3:09pm

    In related news, David H. has submitted a list of 10 (female) members of the New York City Ballet corps de ballet who absolutely, positively, must be raptured with him, or heaven just won't be any fun at all...


    by jollyroger on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 4:30pm

    Florida State University is a PUBLIC STATE-RUN university ... unless the Koch boys just bought it .... which makes their faculty hiring manipulation and the state's capitulation even more disgusting ... and legally questionable.


    by msfwdc (not verified) on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 4:59pm

    I am not doing the research, but as I recall there used to be limits upon the strings one could put on a charitable donation by the IRS--assuming the doner made the contribution with the aim of getting the charitable deduction.

    Now 15 mill is chump change for these bastards but big arseholes like this chase every goddamn deduction they can...mostly out of habit!

    The idea for the limitation was that you either gave the money or you did not give the money!

    I recall the series on House where the billionaire donates 100 mill to the non profit hospital with the intention of becoming its Chairman of the Board.

    Oh well!

     


    by Richard Day on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 6:18pm

    You are on a whole new level of stupid. Get a life. Do something productive with your time instead of slamming other people. 


    by ChelseaGruenwald (not verified) on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 8:47pm

    No way is Wolfrum on a whole new level of stupid. 

    He's been this stupid for years.

     

    Love and kisses,

    - Chelsea Gruenwald (Totally 100% Verified.) 


    by quinn esq on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:56pm