The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    tmccarthy0's picture

    I AM RAHM EMANUEL'S REPLACEMENT

    By tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 1:20pm |

    I didn't want to make the announcement too early. I didn't want everyone at DAG, and across the Universe to start celebrating to long before the weekend. But it is Thursday, so here I am, spilling the news.

    As soon as I heard I mailed my resume off to the Whitehouse, hell they've been hounding me about applying for one of their Data Analyst positions. (True Story) (gearing up for the next election takes time) but I don't want to deal with that kind of data or that amount of work! Oh My God, can you imagine the amount of work there is to be done?   What a huge job, and for me a person who is always try to spend fewer hours working and more hours playing, well, this simply would not be the correct position for me!  There was a long ago time, in my 20's and 30's when I was just that motivated, but now, no way. So I've never responded to those particular requests. But when I heard the position of Chief of Staff was opening up, I knew they would want me there.  So I sent them my resume and my objectives!

    RESUME



    OBJECTIVES:

    Hey, if things don't need to be changed, why on earth change them, that resume is perfection. I wrote a little letter, telling them I like to blog sometimes and of my Obamabot ways, I even linked them to my quick list of accomplishments since this President has taken office!  You know, even if the President ate a Live Baby On TV I would support him and his policies, it makes me the perfect person for the job. He watches me on twitter anyway. I would, I think these are great qualifications for being Chief of Staff, how hard can it be? I mean seriously. You get to openly swear at people while you work, wow, that seems like fun! And no one gets forced into Anger Management classes, wow, that sounds like a great job! So aside from my obvious qualifications, there are other reasons I was chosen to be the replacement Chief of Staff;

    1. I don't play golf, so I can cover for him while he is gone, like any good secretary ohh I mean Chief of Staff would do

    2. No one can do paperwork like I can!

    3. I can also build bridges with the other side whether they are on the right or the left

    4. My membership at DAGblog! This is place is more popular than I could have imagined!

    5. My demands: I get to work from home 3 days a week, the other two days I'll come in to work, if they want to talk they can skype me, but a good way to get a hold of me, is to comment on my blog.

    The drinks are on me DAGmembers! You can meet me at the corner bar!

    Comments

    That would be "Rahm Emanuel's Replacement." I've made the same mistake myself.


    by acanuck on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 1:29pm

    Oh, thank you!


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 1:31pm

    Those bastards! They promised me. They promised!

    It's because I'm Jewish isn't it? I know this game. The Jews had their turn. Well screw them. Here's the title of my next book:

    Barack Obama Is a Two-Faced Lying Anti-Semite (and Tmcarthy0 Is His Perverted Sex-Toy)

    That will teach them to toy with the great and powerful Genghis.


    by Michael Wolraich on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 1:46pm

    Hahaha, you probably don't fit the definition of Obot as well as I do, and you never lived in Hawaii! He has a well known bias against the Haole.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 1:59pm

    Awesome. Please tell the President that I am available to be the appointed governor of select American Virgin Island territories.  I have had vast experiences with rum.


    by Michael Maiello on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 2:13pm

    Really, when everyone knows, every time you drink rum, you take your shirt off. Hah, I don't think so Destor.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 2:43pm

    I spoke with a confidential unauthorized incompetent source and he told me on the qt that someone with Turrets syndrome will handle the phones.


    by Richard Day on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 3:08pm

    That is my assistant Dick, I mean Richard, I forgot Dic* was banned here now. Oh, and he's fired now that I know he is spilling his guts to everyone on earth.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 3:40pm

    Can I interview you on my boat?


    by Rootman on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 7:37pm

    You don't look like this do you:

    Cause if you do, the answer is definitely no, furry handcuffs or not.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 9:38pm

    Any chance you can put the Public Option back on the table?  I have complete trust in you, and also offer my services as your personal assistant.  My salary requirements are in the high 6 figures, so I am relying on your fantastic negotiating skills.


    by CVille Dem on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 7:56pm

    No, you haven't offered up any bribes   gratuities yet. Until I know what you are are worth, I can't really do anything for you.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 9:36pm

    Ahhh, Sports Corner...

    The memories....


    by Austin Train on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 8:11pm

    Innocent


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 9:41pm

    Uh, TMC,

    That job offer you got?  You should have read the whole thing.  It was just another fund raising letter from the DNC.  Everyone got one, even Mitch McConnell  (Obie keeps hoping Mitch will switch parties.)  If I were you I'd stick with the drinking game - one shot of Johnny J. for every filibuster. 

     


    by LarryH on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 9:05pm

    Larry, you will have to meet me at the corner bar and we will have to discuss this issue. Stomps foot.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 9:40pm

    You know I keep telling people that if people like Sharon Angle, Christine O'Donnell, Rand Paul, Fiorina, Ken Buck, and that Williams Dude have a chance at winning seats in the senate... then 'anything is possible'.  Seriously.  

    So, it is only fair that you should be the replacement.  It's only fair that we should have 'one of our own' on the inside.  At least then you can warn us when they pass a bill to declare a war to kick off Armeggedon' etc.

    Congrats!


    by synchronicity on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 11:41pm

    Thank you for your support Sych, you can definitely come to the party. And I hear I get to be keeper of the birth certificate, I can't wait.


    by tmccarthy0 on Thu, 09/30/2010 - 11:50pm