The recent closing of the New York Military Academy has provided armchair psychologists with an illuminating anecdote from the formative years of the Republican front runner

. According to a person familiar with the facts, when the school closed, files from the guidance counselor previously held in strict confidentiality were inadvertently consigned to a dumpster instead of being shredded as intended. They were retrieved.

The story goes like this: During the hazing routinely inflicted upon first year entrants, the still tender sensibilities of young Master T were brutalized by a cabal of upperclassmen (Episcopalians...) who hung him by his underpants from a hook on the wall, meanwhile chanting as above. Apparently Trump's Queens County style of diction and deportment were mistaken by these antisemitic thugs as markers of a Hebrew heritage.

Unimpressed by his bleated assertions "I'm Presbyterian!!", these rude boys made his time at the school a living hell, refusing ever to use his real name. To them, he was always "Donald Chump." Scarred for life, the poor lad swore that no one would ever again get the best of him whatever he had to do or say to maintain the pretense that he was not "a loser"

Today the nation --nay, the entire world-- is at risk of suffering the collateral damage of this vicious bullying. According to a source in the Ted Cruz campaign, who spoke on condition of anonymity, at the next Republican debate Cruz will tactically "misspeak", and directly address the pompous fraud as Mr Chump.

Cue the meltdown. Hijinks to ensue.