To celebrate the 60th anniversary of the first moon landing, NASA staged a high-tech reenactment of the event in Nevada National Landfill Park. The landing was delayed by several hours due to cloudy weather and space junk that disrupted satellite transmission of President George Prescott Bush's remote broadcast from Washington D.C. Officials finally commenced the mission without the President's address after impatient visitors began shouting and throwing landfill refuse, including vintage Pepsi bottles, plastic shopping bags, and other historic artifacts.
Twenty-six years after invading Iraq, the United States closed its military bases and evacuated the last American soldiers from Iraqi soil.
In an address to soldiers at Fort Bragg, President George Prescott Bush praised the U.S. military for accomplishing the mission that his uncle, former President George W. Bush, had set before them in 2003.
President George Prescott Bush signed into law a ground-breaking automobile subsidy that will pay the United States' last remaining automaker, General Chrysford, to build cars that will be shipped straight to the scrapyards. The Automotive Repurposing Act is designed to help the Big One survive a global glut of automobiles that has driven the price of cars below the break-even point. Lisa Lemmon, the CEO of General Chrysford, has lobbied hard for the bill and argued in a recent USA McNews editorial that the auto company could not survive without assistance:
Canadians suffered a fifteenth day without computer access as the the Canadian government negotiated with a malicious software virus for release of its nation's computers. The virus, known by its nom de guerre, Evil LOLcat, has demanded ¥10 billion, freedom for 25 quarantined viruses, and a "cheezburger."
The world's most popular search engine, MyRealittee.com, set a new record with its long-awaited ¥8.3 trillion IPO on the WongDaq stock exchange in Shanghai. MyRealittee.com's unusual IPO process, a reverse double-blind Flemish auction with a half-somersault, left analysts scratching their heads but did not prevent a buying frenzy that drove the share price up to ¥1279 by the end of trading. MyRealittee.com is now worth ¥74.8 trillion, approximately four times the GDP of the United States.
Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney joined those critics in a post on Facebook, calling it “disqualifying” for a nominee to a major party not to release returns. “Tax returns provide the public with its sole confirmation of the veracity of a candidate’s representations regarding charities, priorities, wealth, tax conformance and conflicts of interest.”
Michelle Obama's marvelous DNC speech included the historical fact that slaves built the White House but know a black family occupies the White House, a moving story of progress. Whenever an Obama tells a moving story, you know that there will be a Pavlovian response from Fox News trying to destroy the beauty. This time the task was left to Bill O'Reilley. Bill had to fact check the story, because he has never read a book that he has not had ghost-written. O'Reilley verified that slaves did build the White House along with free blacks and white men. O'Reilley also wants you to know that the slaves were well-fed and well-housed. It is unclear how O'Reilley is so sure about the eating habits and lodging of the slaves.