As Chileans celebrated the sensational rescue of 33 trapped miners, other nations have looked on with envy at Chile's display of patriotic unity and national goodwill.

If you're going to be small, be the smallest.

Nadia and Thad Comaneci looked at their child with the love the love of new parents. eyes of newborn parents. That he was 14 seemed to have no affect on them whatsoever. Timmy Johnson was their new son.

“Look at him. He always wants the hamburgers and the video games. He is so beautiful,” said Nadia Comaneci, of her newly adopted American son. “Always with the fuckaoofs.”

“Oh, Fuck off,” said Johnson.

Shortly after pulling this stunt, George W. Bush was elected President of America.

1,000,000,000 human beings were hungry around the globe in 2010.

News/Politics

Hunger: A billion people are hungry. You can't understand that. It's too enormous. Stop, think. Again - A billion people are hungry. Get it, yet?  

LINCOLN, Neb. — When it comes to Barack Obama, it’s all Black and White.

A new Chronicles Poll shows that Americans overwhelming approve of President Obama’s White half, while his Black half has approval ratings that rival Sarah Palin’s.

Sure, Star Wars Yoga sounds fun, but it’s a one-way ticket to Hell.

BOISE – Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ today announced new plans for Heaven’s prayer service, as, starting Nov. 1, each Christian must pay a $75 per month “Listen to Your Prayers” Subscription fee.

“For too long now, we’ve allowed non-tithers to piggyback on true tithers,” said Christ, 30-ish. ” Now, you can still pray, but if you don’t pay, we won’t listen.”

Lady Gaga is more powerful than Nancy Pelosi, says Forbes.

News/Politics

BP Oil Disaster: Business-hating President Barack Obama really went out of his way to shield British Petroleum.

Flipping the Bird: Maurizio Cattelan let’s the Milan Stock Market know how we feel.

News/Politics

Taliban: Blowing stuff up.

I'm not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you.

-- Christine O'Donnell, Republican for Senate

I'm not a witch either. Like Christine O'Donnell, I'm you. Indeed, I'm much more you than Ms. O'Donnell. I'm so you that if you weren't you, you would think that I was you. In fact, the only thing holding me back from actually being you is you, if you get my meaning.

Love his music? Love her politics? Then Sarah Bieber may be just for you.

News/Politics

Rogue French: A rogue trader – called in some circles a thief – pays the price with a whopping three years in jail for stealing billions and nearly killing the French economy.

When you have access to a pug puppy, you take advantage of said access. So I present, with no further delay:

Alfredo the Pug Puppy

I feel a little Kinky.

News/Politics

Travel Alert for Europe!: Screw it, I’m going anyway.

Pakistan: Death.

God. Just chill.

News/Politics

Marijuana in Calif.: Arnold Schwarzeneggger decriminalizes an ounce or less.

Bin Laden Speaks:

Al Qaeda leader may be desperate as he makes latest video wearing a meat suit.

Afghanistan: Death.

Funny Guy.

Lately, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend here at the Web site – fewer and fewer people are coming by. And this trend must come to an end.

Now mind you, this site gets hundreds of thousands of readers per week* but I will accept nothing but blind allegiance and losing any readers wounds me. So let me just release this statement:

It’s Wolfrum Wednesday. What should I wear?

My friends, it is time we all accept a universal truth – the U.S. economy is dead. It is now being kept alive only by the exceedingly rich throwing money at things. This too shall end. And capitalism will be no more.