For countless decades, Catholic parents around the globe sent their children to work with the Catholic Church in a variety of ways – alter boys, choir members, etc. Many times, this experience is helpful to the child, who learns responsibility, hard work and a deeper understanding of God.

And many other times, the child returns, completely broken and emotionally destroyed because they were sexually abused by pedophile Catholic priests.

BRAZIL – Atheist blogger William K. Wolfrum – known primarily for posting pictures of his dogs – has come out in support of the Catholic Church today. A life-long Catholic, Wolfrum said it seemed that now was the time for him to “have the back” of his old faith.

Even though I don’t believe in anything they preach and think they’re evil is no reason for me to abandon them now,” said Wolfrum, who has attended one Catholic Mass in the last two decades. “I’m no hater.”

It wasn’t long ago that we all celebrated our final, decisive victory in the War on Christmas. Once we saw that Fox News had taken to using the world “Holiday” repeatedly, it had become official. The dreaded scourge that was Christmas had once and for all been destroyed.

Has it really already been 30 years? Three long decades since one of the most important Conservative moments overran this fine nation of ours?

Yes, it was 30 years ago since the stellar conservative film “Can’t Stop the Music,” with its themes of hard-work, love of country and personal responsibility hit theaters.

In short order, the U.S. has moved up into the rarefied air of Italy when it comes to political lasciviousness. Rielle Hunter makes her entry into the goo at GQ:

COSTA RICA – Calling it the “greatest threat our nation has ever faced,” Costa Rican President Óscar Arias has announced that his country will re-institute the military in order to fend of an invasion by American entertainer Rush Limbaugh.

“We can sit back and wait to see if the U.S. passes health care reform, or we can act now,” said Arias. “We don’t want our answer to come in the form of a mushmouth cloud.”

Arias was responding to recent comments from the entertainer, who said he would move to Costa Rica if health care reform passed in the United States.

WASHINGTON – Republican Senator John Ensign – speaking from his room at the C Street Center – has come out swinging against ex-Representative Eric Massa.

CANTON, Ohio – In a surprise move by the Federal Government, every single player in the NFL has been arrested today. Charges range from possession of illegal performance enhancing drugs, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, perjury, driving while intoxicated, and an undeserved sense of self-worth.

While murder is still considered a grave crime, today’s enlightened society tends to see it as something more than a black & white issue. Because more often than not, a murder victim has every opportunity to avoid being murdered.

If you can say one thing about the GOP, it’s that they stick to the script when it comes to talking points. The latest GOP talking point – that Americans are lazy and like being unemployed – could very well be a winner for the Republicans come election time.

Ex-Speaker of the House Tom Delay was the latest conservative to make the claim, as he told CNN’s Candy Crowley that unemployment insurance was the root of all evil:

WASHINGTON – Faced with waves of Republican pressure over the handling of the Khalid Sheik Mohammed trial, U.S. President Barack Obama has announced that he will personally shoot the terrorist mastermind in the head.

After their slam dunk with anti-tax kamikaze Andrew Joseph Stack, liberals hoped to rack up more political points with another right-wing act of terror. When the news broke of a gunman loose in Washington, breathless liberal bloggers and political email spammers burst into action.

According to blog enthusiast cheneyMUSTdie, who subscribes to over 1500 blogs and frequently posts the same comment on each of them: "OMG TEH WINGNUTS ARE KILLING AGAIN!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!"

A new video posted by an independent filmmaker posing as a samba dancer has surfaced depicting an ACORN staffer assisting a Black (known in this video as “Max”) making unreasonable — and possibly child prostitution-related — requests.

In the second biggest performance of her career, Sarah Palin stunned Jay Leno and Tonight Show viewers with her wit and delivery, but more importantly, her honesty. In fact-checking her stand-up routine on the Tonight Show last night, The Chronicles have found her routine was mostly truthful.

AKRON — Edward Crone and his family had just finished saying grace and were prepared to begin eating dinner when Senate Republicans – led by the retiring Jim Bunning – burst through the door and threatened to filibuster the meal.

“We see no way that the Crone family can possibly pay for this meal,” said Bunning. “If the Crone family can’t offset the price of a meal, what will they offset.”

Caught off guard, Senate Democrats said they had no choice but to cancel the Crone’s dinner, as the mere threat of the filibuster was an unbeatable weapon against them.

WASHINGTON – Inside sources confirm that U.S. President Barack Obama – completely hammered on Coors Light and Alabama Slammers – choked the living daylights out of Republican Senator Jim Bunning, today.

Do you have Torts? Do you wake up each morning to see a Tort-infested life that is destroying everything you hold dear?

If that’s the case, then William K. Wolfrum’s Tort Reformation* is here for you.

It is with great sadness that I announce that Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a sponsor. No, it wasn't because they finally realized that golfers don't actually need electrolytes, it's far more nefarious than that. They dropped Tiger because he was doing the only thing that really required Gatorade - having sex with dozens and dozens of women not named Mrs. Woods.