WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama today officially wished all Americans a “New Year,” breaking with the tradition of U.S. Presidents wishing U.S. citizens a “Happy New Year.”
In his original draft, Obama had said he wanted all Americans to have a “Happy New Year.” However, Rep. Peter King (R), quickly protested, saying that Obama was “Once again showing his arrogance and hatred of freedom.”
“By wishing everyone a ‘Happy’ New Year, Obama is putting his liberal spin on 2010,” said King, strangling a small dog as he spoke. “Americans should feel free to have any type of New Year they wish, whether it be happy, morose or supremely crappy.”
Upon hearing the news of King’s complaints, Obama quickly shifted gears. In his official announcement, Obama strictly avoided any type of adjective that could possibly “restrict the freedoms of unhappy Americans.”
“My family and I wish all Americans a New Year. And may 2010 be a Year,” said Obama’s official statement.
A White House spokesman, speaking from behind a black sheet and using a voice modulator, said that Obama felt that his greeting showcased the administration’s willness to make bipartisan compromise.
“We just want to get the ball rolling on this,” said the eerie, electronically modified voice. “We’re hoping that future administrations are able to improve upon this message and make it something that will appeal to all Americans.”
–WKW
Comments
You're an idiot! I will not waste any more words on you!
by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 12/31/2009 - 1:33pm
What more is there to wish?
A "New Year" says it all.
Curious as to why you think my pal Wolfrum is an idiot. You must not have read anything else that he's written.
OR......You really think he's an idiot. In which case, I think he'll take it as a huge compliment (but I can't speak for him).
by CVille Dem on Thu, 12/31/2009 - 7:49pm
Howdy, Cville. Happy New Year. Thanks for dropping in. Been a little quiet around here the past couple of weeks, save for a few outraged Anonymous types like your new friend here. Hopefully, people will be recharged now that the holidays are about wrapped up.
by Michael Wolraich on Fri, 01/01/2010 - 4:51pm
I'm outraged by all of you. I'm miffed, vexed and have the vapors.
And Hi, Cville :)
by William K. Wolfrum on Sun, 01/03/2010 - 1:25am