Larry Jankens's picture

    Top 5 and Bottom 5 Animal Hybrids (with pics)

    One of my favorite movies from the 90’s is The Island of Dr. Moreau. A disturbing tale of a mad scientist splicing genes of animals and humans to make ungodly hybrids that eventually run amok on the island. I liked the movie so much that I even tried to read the book, but there were no pictures so I quickly lost interest.

    I will give the H. G. Wells’ novel credit (the lack of pictures notwithstanding), despite being written in 1896, it was way ahead of it’s time. Even though scientists had only a cursory understanding of the genes, Wells’ envisioned a future where geneticists would be able to splice and combine genes of any plants or animals they wished and wrote one of the best original science fiction novels.

    The idea of animal hybrids is not new, the most commonly known is the mule (a horse and a donkey) that has been around for centuries. However, recently (within the past century) new animal hybrids have been popping up all over the place. I’ve taken the liberty of breaking down the worst 5 and the top 5 new hybrids.

    Bottom 5 - the stupidest hybrids:
    5. Wolf-Dog (a wolf and a dog, duh)


    I consider this hybrid a bit of a cop out. A dog and a wolf? It looks just like a Huskie. Part of the point of making hybrid is to make a cool looking animal.  C'mon

    4. Liger (a lion and a tiger)

    Don’t get me wrong, the liger is cool and all, but Napoleon Dynamite kind of made it played out. For a year after the movie came out, everybody was talking about the liger – it got too popular for my taste. Plus it's a fat ass.


    3. Cama (a camel and a llama)

    I’m not a fan of camels or llamas to begin with, put them together and I’m still underwelmed. I don’t like camels, because they hoard water so well and I dislike all things llama related. Granted the cama is funny looking, which is cool, but that doesn’t make up for it’s llama-ness.

    2. Iron Age Pig (a domesticated pig with a wild boar)

    Like the wolf-dog, I put this hybrid in the “whoopity-freakin-do” category. Apparently, they are bred for their meat and sold at specialty meat shops. Maybe if I tried some iron-age pig meat I’d change my tune, but as of right now, I’m not impressed.

    1. Ti-Liger (a tiger and a liger)

    I dislike the ti-liger because it’s a hybrid among hybrids. We have to draw the line somewhere. What happens when we create a hybrid hybrid and it becomes a super animal capable of taking out a small town in one feeding? I think the Island of Dr. Moreau teaches us that if you mess around with nature too much things go crazy. Plus look at the expression on this thing, he looks like my special needs uncle. 

    Top 5 - the coolest hybrids:
    5. Groler Bear (a grizzly bear and a polar bear)

    I almost put this on in the worst category since the only one seen in nature was shot and stuffed, if it's so awesome it wouldn't have been shot, but you all know my like of bears so it still made the top 5 list.

    4. Hybrid Pheasant (a golden pheasant and a lady Amherst pheasant)

    Birds are known for their showy display of feathers (the cactus wren aside). Peacocks, wild turkeys, cardinals, blue jays, etc, are all beautifully decorated with bright colors. The pheasant family is no exception, this hybrid pheasant is a beautiful combination of the golden and lady Amherst pheasant.

    3. Leopon (a leopard and a lion)

    Like the liger, except not played out and way cooler looking. They grow to be larger than leopards and enjoy climbing trees and swimming.  They generally retain the lion’s mane and the leopard’s spots making them the coolest looking big cat on the block.

    2. Zony (a zebra and a pony)

    Everybody loves a pony, add cool racing stripes from a zebra and you have the awesome looking zony. The zony has the perfect balance of pony cuteness and zebra exoticness. *Honorable mention to the zorse and and zonkey.

    1. Wolphin (a dolphin and a false killer whale)

    I know what you’re thinking: What the hell is a false killer whale? It is an orca like dolphin that resembles a killer whale but is smaller and has slightly different coloring – hence the name false killer whale. Wolphin’s retain the teeth and predatory habits of false killer whales but keep the playful nature of a dolphin.  It's like mixing a pit-bull with a golden retriever and I love both pit-bulls and golden retrievers.  My point is this: dolphins are already pretty bad ass, add killer instinct to them and they are even badder asser.  By far, #1 hybrid. 

    Comments

    Wolphin’s retain the teeth and predatory habits of false killer whales but keep the playful nature of a dolphin.

    So, would it play with you as it eats you alive? Maybe toss you out of the water and catch you in its mouth?


    Here's another set of animal hybrids. My favorite is the squirrel-tiger hybrid.


    Wow. The mouse spider is creeeeeeepy. But the vampire frog is my favorite.

    I think if you're going to mess with genetic, the golden rule should be, "Go big or go home." Why bother with animals that already share certain traits. What about a bird and a fish? That's what I wanna see.

    And, in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell Larry that I turned off Moreau after twenty minutes. I hardly EVER turn off movies. I don't include it on my top five worst ever list, because I didn't sit through to the end, but I suspect it would have been a candidate for worst ever.


    I'm known for my poor taste in movies, so I dont' take offence.  One of my favorite movies of all time is Scary Movie 3.  I'm like a child, I like anything with moving pictures and a good sound track. 


    A Wolphin should definitely be a Wolf and a Dolphin.

    Big disappointment....


    Here's yet another set of hybrids, although this one is real (I think).


    I once saw a disturbing hairless, rat-like squirrel. We dubbed it the squat and made up a story about how it had escaped from an evil science lab and was overtaking NYC with its brethren. It was probably just a sick squirrel, but I like the name, squat. Still makes me chuckle.


    I am in looove with the zony.  Seriously, I need one.  I heart camels and llamas, but I agree the cama is underwhelming.  It looks like a camel without a hump, and where's the fun in that?


    The leopon is far and away the coolest. Wikipedia has a handy table of panther hybrids. Apparently they have different names based on the sex of the parents. Who knew?

    Lion Tiger Jaguar Leopard
    Lion Lion Liger Liguar Liard
    Tiger Tigon Tiger Tiguar Tigard
    Jaguar Jaglion Jagger Jaguar Jagupard
    Leopard Leopon Dogla Leguar Leopard

    And check out the pumapard:


    Hybrid of an ass and a hat:


    Which imagines itself a fire-breathing dragon.


    <golf claps>  Well done, Genghis, well done. 


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