After 9/11, the Department of Homeland Security gave us a nicely color-coded Fear Chart, so that we, the American people, would know just exactly how afraid we are. You know how Deadman was saying the other day that he uses the Weather.com minute-by-minute forecast to know when to walk his dog? That’s kind of how I am with the Homeland Security Fear Chart. Because without it, I wouldn’t have any idea how scared I was.

Questions: The Happy Holidays Edition

1) Christmas Songs

2) Christmas Lights

3) Best gift

4) Come, Sit on My Lap

5) No, really, come sit on my lap

6) The Ball or The Parade

7) New Year's Resolution

8) Prediction Time

And because I'm out of holiday questions, a couple lingering non-thematic questions

9) Tipping

10) Pigeons

I'm keeping this one short but My One Favorite Thing this week is Weather.com's short-term forecasting, offered in hourly and even fifteen-minute intervals. (Here's an example for New York, NY)

Or something like that.  At least that seems like it might the underlying philosophy behind Thank You for Throwing Your Shoe, where you can find pictures of people holding up their shoes in support of Muntadhar al-Zaidi.  It's definitely a mark of the Internet age and makes for a fun visual statement.

And here's the inevitable Bush-Austin Powers mashup:

1. Honestly the most impressed I've ever been with Bush

2. You heard it here first: Obama's toast in Presidential dodgeball

My reading of The American Presidency by Alan Brinkely continues. Chapter Two: John Adams. Here's what I learned...

Adams grew up in the country town of Braintree, Massachusetts. They later changed the name of the town to Quincy to disguise the fact that the uncommon intelligence of the townspeople was attributed to a tea made from the leaves of the magical tree.

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Conspiracy Zone!


Conspiracy #1
Detroit is preparing to make the Lions the crown jewel of the city

The mob has gathered round the house of Governor Rod Blagojevich, waving their virtual pitchforks and shrieking for justice. Our own Deadman has even called him "ugly." Shame on him. Governor Blagojevich may not be married to a hot Star Trek actress, but he's a fine looking man, if a bit jowly. And no one is fooled by Aman's crocodile tears; we know that he yearns to return to his hometown and claim the office of Governor for himself. (When asked who would replace Blagojevich as Governor, he innocently shrugged in mock ignorance.)

Schenectady, NY
With the market in freefall and hundreds of his clients suffering heavy 401(K) losses, Chief Investment Officer of AYN Asset Management Robert Lombardo is leaving his clients with one final piece of financial advice before closing up shop at his 17-year old investment firm:

"Leave your stock certificates in your mother's attic."

With the last of the pots scrubbed and the table wiped down, KRXA Hal looks wistfully at the mopped floor of the dining area. After briefly considering whether to scrub the toilets or snake out the pipes and deciding after serious contemplation that now is not the best time to regrout the bathroom tile, KRXA Hal debates internally whether the Biggest Loser really is more compelling television than Dancin' with the Stars. Since neither is on, KRXA Hal reluctantly boots up his always (sigh) trusty desktop.

In a victory for our folks, Saxby Chambliss won the Georgia runoff. Thank goodness. Our folks took a beating on Nov. 4th as the other folks voted for one of their own. A few years ago, the idea that one of the other folks could become president was unthinkable.

ATTN: Parental Advisory Explicit Content

I’ve been reading the book The American Presidency this year. It’s been taking me a long time to get through because, honestly, non-fiction kind of bores me. Still, I have been learning all sorts of fun facts about our nation’s leaders, so I thought I would share some. Eleven months after I started, I'm up to James Madison. I figure if I force myself to write about the presidents, I’ll eventually finish the book. So, here we go:

George Washington – Stuff I learned:

As if this year didn't suck enough, Random House and Ann Coulter are leaving one last skid mark on our soiled 2008 Fruit of the Looms before the Waterford drops.

Behold it in all of its glory. Yup, nothing rings in holiday cheer quite like the Coultergeist. I put it a notch below running down the stairs at Grammy's Christmas morning to find the severed head of 'Geoffrey the Giraffe' under the tree.

And in keeping with the spirit of the holidays Random House is keeping the title of the comic book a secret -

The story is also being reported by CNN, Al Jazeera, and FOX News. We haven't confirmed the reports at this time.

Here's the link to the audio

Palin handler Tracy Schmitt:

"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie."

Warning: Do not wear near children, pregnant women, or unstable people with weapons.

To print out a lifesize version, download the PDF from 23/6.

After achieving success in the United States, Joe the Plumber has gone international. According to the New York Times, a senior strategist for the ruling party of Greece said of Greek Prime Minister Kostas Karamanlis:

Some of you may remember my proposal for the Democratic primary to decided by dance contest.