Blog Posts

Mortimus's picture

The NFL Combine - A Rant

Right now over 300 college kids are parading around in sponsored spandex performing the President's Fitness Challenge for a bunch of googley eyed grown men. Well-paid football professionals and numbers geeks are oohing and aahing over tenths of a second in an effort to figure out which specimen they'll hand over the $50 million "Deal or No Deal" briefcase. Endless numbers of greased up Mel Kiper wannabees are plotting these numbers into formulas trying to find the NFL equivalent of e=mc2.

Mortimus's picture

Brett Favre Retires!

We've done it again boys. Garcon! Mount #4's taxidermied head in the hallowed hallway of Jet misery. Put it dead center - right in between Doug Brien's foot and the floor plans of the Manhattan stadium.

Mortimus's picture

Michael Phelps Smoking Pot? Weed! Marijuana? Or Super Secret Lung Training Technique??? Picture + 10

1. God, does this guy have to endorse everything!?!

2. I think it's safe to say he's a shoe-in for "High Times: Sportsman of the Year"

3. So that's how he was able to put down 8,000 calories in a day without a problem

4. Note to College Swim Coaches around the country: Your team's eyes aren't red tomorrow from the chlorine

5. Ohhh, so that's why it was so foggy in China

6. "Oh you better take an 8th hit Michael. Spitz took 7 down easy."

Mortimus's picture

Super Bowl Prop Bets - An Outsider's Perspective, part 1.

It's hard to care about this year's Super Bowl. Sure, I could take the easy route and blame it all on the world melting around us like a spoonful of margarine grilling on my Rachel Ray cookware. But I won't, I can believe it's more than transfatty fake butter. Unfortunately we got ourselves two high quality teams, armed with likeable personnel and two Jesus-like figures under center - one who is see here: and the other whose cranium can withstand a high speed Harley accident. It sort of reads like an awful M.

Mortimus's picture

Check It - The Bailout Game


You know the recession is getting deep when we are creating interactive Monopoly games mocking it. After all it was the Great Depression which served us up the original top hat, monocle and thimble (or so one dag blogger so falsely convinced me).

Mortimus's picture

NFL Playoffs - Figuring Out Who To Root For

First let me start off by saying that this isn't a particularly easy post for me to write. It'd be an honor to delight you all with a long diatribe about the Jets annual implosion, but that would conflict with one of the great joys of being their fan. That of course is the joy of pocketing all the rage and torment into the pit of my stomach and then watching it explode at the most inopportune times like a bootleg 8th century jack-in-the-box.

Mortimus's picture

Are the Yankees' Free Agent Signings...

The Scariest Economic Indicator of all?!?!

Wall Street is a barren stretch of gloom and tumbleweed, unemployment could sniff double digits in '09, yet the Yankees are spending money as if its 'the day after tomorrow.'

$423.5 million in total salary
Mark Teixiera - 8 years, $180 million
C.C. Sabathia - 7 years, $161 million
A.J. Burnett - 5 years, $82.5 million

In less than 10 days the Pinstripes poured through enough money to make even Dennis Kozlowski blush.

Mortimus's picture

The Shoe Bomber Returns (aka The George Bush Shoe Throwing Video) + 10


1. Honestly the most impressed I've ever been with Bush

2. You heard it here first: Obama's toast in Presidential dodgeball

Mortimus's picture

Barry Sanders Jr. - Video + 10

Yea, he's a freshman in high school.



A few quick thoughts:

1. So if he's Barry to his father Bobby Bonds that means....oh this kid is doomed



Mortimus's picture


View recent blog entries
Member for
12 years 3 weeks

Latest Comments