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    God Smites the Living Hell Out of Fred Phelps, Westboro Baptist Church

    HARRISBURG, Pa — After years of fielding complaints that he had not taken a hard enough stance against Westboro Baptist Church and its hate speech, Almighty God today unleashed what onlookers have described as a “shitload of smiting” against the controversial group that just won a Supreme Court case on free speech.

    “Guess God don’t much care for Supreme Court cases,” said the onlooker, Jim Thompson of Dubuque, Iowa. “Because God just WENT OFF!”

    Going in with a strategy of “Shock and Amen,” God woke up members of the Westboro Cult with a swarm of locusts, then rained frogs on them for an hour. A plague of gnats followed, and soon all members of Westboro had boils appear on their skin.

    Then God showed why he was “God” and went modern Biblical on their asses as he turned their coffee into blood and made records of their fetish-video rentals public via Wikileaks. Then, God made it rain failed American Idol candidates and gay porn videos.

    Finally, to finish a performance many have already called “inspired,” God went back to his old-school roots and lightning bolted Phelps, his family and all his followers into crispy embers of hate.

    While many have looked to analyze why God finally went off on Westboro Baptist – which for years has peddled angry homophobia as some type of religious belief – experts were only left a few words from God as he left the scene of the carnage.

    “Love everyone. I don’t make mistakes.”


    Crossposted at WIlliam K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    Why locusts and frogs when all he had to do is order an audit of their books?

    Are you questioning God's judgment, Dick? Didn't you see what just happened to those other guys? Jeez. 

    I'd like to put an order in for locusts, frogs, gnats, and (since I'm payin').....a heap of jail time for Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Wolfowitz, Gonzales, Rove, & while I'm at it, Ronald Reagan's memory (double entendre).

    But on this subject (supposedly of karma, or retribution, or just punishment)....what did the Japanese do to deserve this horrific mess? The fact that the answer is: NOTHING! Makes it pretty obvious that god is drunk as a skunk, and just occasionally paying attention.

    You know Cville? Sometimes you sound more and more like Q.

    I take baking soda and a nap and swear off the internet for awhile when I get liike that. hahahahah


    Update:  After the dust settled and the smoke cleared, it was reported that all the "God Hates Fags" signs at the church now read "Homey don't play that shit!"

    OK....that was hella funny. "Shit load of smiting!" I can hardly breathe I'm laughing so hard!

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