In a surprise move, the McCain campaign has announced that it has fired the public face of the campaign, Senator John McCain. Campaign spokesperson, Nancy Pfotenhauer, announced the decision to dumbstruck reporters at a hastily arranged press conference on Thursday:

"As of this morning, Senator John McCain has been placed on indefinite administrative leave. John and the campaign leadership have agreed that he is not a good fit for the campaign right now. The parting was amicable, and we wish him well in all his future endeavors."

OMG!!!! i don't know what the big deal is about sarah spending lots of money on clothes! grrrrls like sarah and me need clothes b/c we totally have to look hot to be popular. like last year my EX-friend cara nut was running for homecoming queen but then she wore this totally slutty miniskirt with ripped fishnets and then everyone said she was a slut and she lost to jenny weiner who's like a total cow. and then no one was friends with her anymore and she was like in social siberia (thats where governor putin lives next to alaska, i looked it up!!!!!).

From The Stumper, at Newsweek:

Deep thought: Did this scarf come out of the $150,000?

HI EVERYBODY!!!! i'm iphone blogging in chemistry class. i keep clicking the wrong EFFING LETTERS b/c my of nails. but i had to write b/c i just read that SARAH IS IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!! on this website it says that some EVIL BITCH from who works for john mccain tried to not let her talk to reporters. i think maybe john mccain is holding sarah HOSTAGE b/c he's a sexist!!!! i think maybe she needs our help!!!!! so if u see sarah this is what us have to do.

OMG!!! my friend just sent me the AWESOMEST VIDEO for my SARAH PALIN TRIBUTE PAGE!!!!

G: Hello readers. I have a very special guest today: Joe the Plumber, who has exploded from obscurity to celebrity faster than a photogenic moose-hunting governor. Joe, thanks for coming to my blog post.

J: My pleasure, Genghis. I've always dreamed of being interviewed by a blog with a readership of 10 or 11 people.

G: Think big, Joe. We're going for 17 today. I'm honored that you accepted the invitation. I'm sure that you're in high demand since you became the cause célèbre of the presidential debate.

HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! so i'm gonna write something now that maybe u won't like  but its REALLY IMPORTANT like the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER except for prom AND for pursuing your dream of being a supermodel-political-commenter like tyra except not black unless u are black but i'm white!!

John McCain's campaign may be facing an uphill battle, but he and his staff still have plenty of ideas according to notes from a campaign brainstorming session. The notes were leaked to major media outlets from a source close to John McCain who asked not to be identified for unidentified reasons:

The Republican presidential hopeful John McCain let his frustration with the US economy boil over today. When asked in an interview about the challenges his campaign faces, McCain responded, "Look, it's no secret that the economy favors my opponent." Asked to elaborate, he replied, "This country is in crisis. Now is not the time to point fingers. But everybody knows that the economy caused this crisis, and I think everybody knows why it's doing it."

OMG!!!! RU excited for sarah palin's debate? I SOOOO AM!!!! GOOOOO SARAH!!! she's going to kick that biden dude's WRINKLY OLD ASS!!! LOL!!! he totally looks like draco malfoy's evil dad in harry potter.

sarah palin is a total INSPIRATION to me!! i am SOOOOOOOO EXCITED that she could be our next vice president, maybe even our PRESIDENT!  for someone with her talent to be a vice president proves that anyone can make it in america. YAY SARAH!!!!!!!!! you go, GIRL!!!!!!

I wrote this piece some years ago, before I was 30. I'm now probably in what could be called an on-schedule midlife crisis, but this article still seems relevant. I've updated it slightly to make it current with the times...

The blogosphere is abuzz with rumors about a secret deal between John McCain and Satan. A contributor to popular political blog, TPM Cafe, first broke the story last week in a post entitled, Lady MacDeath - A Faustian Bargain of Sinister Deception. According to blogger TheraP, who does not quote any sources, Satan promised John McCain the Presidency in 2008 in return for sacrificing his soul and selecting Sarah Palin to be his running mate.

Oh things are going well my friends. This stock market crash could not have come at a better time. Just look at John McCain squirm. All we need are a few more major bankruptcies, and we'll have the election locked up. As a special bonus, the greedy bankers are getting screwed too.

with apologies to Sam Cooke

She don't know much about history
She don't believe in biology
She wants to change the science books
She wants to fire the White House cooks
But she does know how to speak on cue
And she knows if she makes fools of you
What a wonderful veep she would be

She don't know much about geography
She don't know much foreign policy
Don't know much about George Bush's war
Don't know what a VP is for
But she knows that one and one is two
And if McCain just tells her what to do

After a string of embarrassing election losses, Republicans have had enough. In a major address to the American people, Representative Jeb Hensarling of Texas, chairman of the underrated Republican Study Committee, has declared that Republicans leaders are feeling sober.

This is rather alarming. Apparently, the "electability" powerpoint that Clinton sent out to House Dems was a decoy. Select uncommitted superdelegates obtained a very different pointpoint. I've managed to obtain a leaked copy and posted it here. Please check it out, and forward it to your friends.

Have you been feeling "fuzzy" lately? Blinded by passion? Addled by rage? Do you find yourself ranting about MSM unfairness and the well-known bias of certain TPM staffers? (I won't name any names but it rhymes with "Breg Bargent".) Do you hurl potted plants at your television or periodically spit on your monitor? Do you pound the "recommend" button manically when you see an anti-Hillary post, even though it only works the first time? Have your purchased five or more computers so that you can vent your anger through multiple recommendations?

1) Say "I'm tough". Say it a lot. Also, use the word "fight" in every other sentence.

2) Promise not to quit. Ever. Consequences be damned.

3) Compare yourself to tough historical figures. Like Rocky.

4) Do not apologize. Tough people don't apologize. Rocky doesn't apologize.

5) Tell anecdotes of about yourself in tough situations. E.g. "We landed under sniper fire and had to run to our vehicles."

6) Play tough music. Examples:
- Eye Of the Tiger (Survivor)
- I Won't Back Down (Tom Petty)