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Shuts and Failures

by Michael Maiello

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Personal Information

Biography
William K. Wolfrum is an American journalist and writer residing in Brazil. Wolfrum's experience's consist of being a bartender, bouncer, carny, amateur boxer and commercial fisherman, which he talks about all the time, thinking it makes him some sort of tough guy. Wolfrum has been published or mentioned in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Toronto Star, and a bunch of other newspapers and magazines. Wolfrum is a two-time Alaska Press Club Award winner who hopes to someday win other awards so he doesn't have to talk about those two anymore.
Website
http://www.williamkwolfrum.com

History

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3 years 40 weeks
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Blog Posts

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I love you, Bushmaster .223. You truly make me a man

by William K. Wolfrum 1/14/2013 - 10:02 am   |

 

I never thought this could happen to me …

My life was an ordinary one. My wife had left me two years earlier, taking the kids. My job with the cable company was unsatisfying but it paid the bills. I went to the bar three or four times a week. I played poker once a week with some guys I really didn’t even like. I was a nobody.

Then I saw her.

I was at Walmart to pick up something to eat and maybe a puzzle. I had some time on my hands – ok, I always had time on my hands – and I wandered about the store. That’s where she called to me.

She was long and sleek. Her power was undeniable, but her smouldering sensuality was undeniable. [Read more]

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Scientists discover human body will stop a bullet in a "legitimate" shooting

by William K. Wolfrum 1/11/2013 - 4:11 pm   |

TEXAS – Scientists at the University of Texas-El Paso have discovered that the human body will deflect bullets in a “legitimate” shooting.

“We have seen that, when the human body is stressed out and about to be legitimately shot, the bullet will not harm them,” said Dr. Phil Gingrey. “The obvious conclusion is that people who do have a bullet enter their body actually want to be shot.” [Read more]

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Why we women can’t have it all and should lower our expectations especially when it comes to men

by William K. Wolfrum 12/5/2012 - 8:41 am   |

We women have had a rough few decades. The modern woman has to worry about pleasing their man or finding a man. We have to worry about children. We have to worry about our jobs and vaginas. But it didn’t used to always be this way. Since the great feminist uprising came and washed away our self-respect and dignity, we women lived a far simpler existence. We indeed had it all. [Read more]

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Fiscal Cliff will bring smallpox, forced incest & insects of above-average size

by William K. Wolfrum 11/27/2012 - 10:23 am   |

My friends, America was born some 450 years ago in 1776 and has the documentation to prove it. Now, America has an expiration date – Dec. 31, 2012.

Yes, Christopher Columbus’ great experiment in democracy is set to sail over a cliff – a “Fiscal” cliff, as it were. According to economics experts such as David Gregory, the fiscal cliff is a combination of tax hikes and budget cuts that will paralyze the economy and bring about such calamities as a return of smallpox, forced incest and insects of above average size, according to economic expert such as Jake Tapper. [Read more]

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A Fox News Election Live-Blog? Yes, I am crazy enough to do that

by William K. Wolfrum 11/6/2012 - 12:19 pm   |

For those interested, I'm doing a live-blog of Fox News Election coverage all day today. I will likely be in a home for the criminally insane tomorrow, but i do it for you.

--WKW

 

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Paul Ryan announces large charitable donation to ‘The Human Fund’

by William K. Wolfrum 10/16/2012 - 10:14 am   |

WASHINGTON — Stung by criticism over using a soup kitchen for a staged photo op that showed him washing dishes that were already clean, Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan has announced he will be making a large donation to the Human Fund. [Read more]

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Vote for Mitt Romney: Because the SEAL who shot Osama bin Laden lives in St. Louis, Mo.

by William K. Wolfrum 10/11/2012 - 10:04 am   |

My friends, the 2012 election is about choices. It is the choice between the out-of-control socialism of Barack Obama and the steady professional leadership of Mitt Romney. Also, the Navy SEAL who actually shot Osama bin Laden lives at 112 Ark St. in St. Louis, Mo. [Read more]

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Mitt Romney's best friend is Jerry Sandusky (and other things I don’t really believe)

by William K. Wolfrum 10/9/2012 - 9:46 pm   |

As a political blogger, I have long had a reputation as a pragmatic, level-headed fellow who often uses humor in lieu of shrillness. While I am proud of this reputation, it is one that has kept me from achieving the popularity I so rightly deserve. That is why, as of today, I will be changing my positions and attitudes to better take advantage of the current political atmosphere.

You see, with the U.S. election scant weeks away, I have yet to give my readers the passion, anger and outright falsehoods they truly desire. That is why, as of today, I will begin to produce blog posts that readers desire. In the upcoming days, I shall be releasing several new blog posts, including:

MITT ROMNEY WILL END DEMOCRACY IN AMERICA [Read more]

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By coming out of the closet, boxer Orlando Cruz proves himself a champion

by William K. Wolfrum 10/4/2012 - 4:55 pm   |

Emile Griffith was one of the great boxers in the history of the game. Throughout his career, there were rumors regarding his sexuality. Those rumors came to a climax during Griffith’s third fight with Benny “Kid” Paret, who had spent the build-up of the fight taunting Griffith about these rumors.

“I got tired of people calling me faggot,” Griffith told Bob Hebert years later. “He called me a name. … So I did what I had to do.” [Read more]

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Brazilian girl auctioning off virginity for a documentary? I doubt it

by William K. Wolfrum 10/2/2012 - 3:33 pm   |

It seems like every four years or so, a story or person comes to my attention. In 2008, it was Martin Eisenstadt. In 2012, so far, it’s “Virgins Wanted.” [Read more]

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