Book of the Month

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Balloon Hoax Update: Everyone but Fox News prepares to surrender

FORT COLLINS, Colo. — The parents accused of concocting a publicity stunt by pretending their young son had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the Colorado skies will surrender to the authorities as soon as charges are filed, the lawyer for the father said Monday. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

Dr. WHO Says No Alcohol For You


In interest of full disclosure, I love to drink.  I am in no way an unbiased party when discussing alcohol and alcohol consumption.  Happy hour is not just a phrase, it’s the happiest hour of my day.

So when I heard of the World Health Organization (WHO) is launching a campaign to reduce alcohol consumption worldwide, I was not very happy about it.  The WHO claims that the negative effects of alcohol impact a growing amount of people throughout the world.   Obviously, the WHO has never had my patented Bugs Bunny (vodka and carrot juice) that  improves ocular health or my Mao Tse Yum (ginseng tea and gin) that increases mental cognition.

My concerns with the WHO’s campaign are as follows: [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Oprah Winfrey kills three, injures 21

While I find it difficult to dislike Oprah Winfrey overall, her love of pseudoscience has often grated and seemed dangerous. And now, Oprah’s love of pseudoscience has killed three people and left nearly two dozen others needing serious medical help. And that’s a little more serious.

Self-help expert and author James Arthur Ray had rented the Angel Valley Retreat Center for his five-day “Spiritual Warrior” event that culminated in a sweat lodge ceremony. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Patriots! Enter the Militia Members' Music Contest and Get Rocked!

Militia men get rocked

Are you a patriotic militia member that’s fighting Barack Obama’s illegal communist regime that’s forcing the U.S. into a tyrannical New World Order that will enslave us all? Are you in a band?

If you answered “yes” to those questions, then we want you to “Get Rocked!” in the Third Annual “Militia Members Get Rocked Music contest!” Why join? With a grand prize of $50,000 and a record deal from Fox News Music, you and your band will be on your way to greatness! [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Everything bought since 2001 recalled; everyone's personal data lost

WASHINGTON — In a press conference by the nation’s business leaders and a smattering of government officials, it was announced that everything bought over the past seven years has been immediately recalled, and that all personal information held by all businesses had been lost.

“If we can just get everyone to form an orderly line outside of every store they’ve purchased things from, that would just be great,” said a government official. [Read more]

Doctor Cleveland's picture

Sports Are Serious

So last Sunday I was thinking: could Chris Berman be a political talking head in this country? And would he be any worse than the natterers on cable news, or the morning shows? I mean, Berman is clearly a silly and shallow blowhard, but that never stopped Tim Russert.

My suspicion, fully borne out this week by l'affaire Limbaugh, is that sports are treated far more seriously in this country than politics are, especially by our media. That a comment on the state of our political press and on our national priorities. [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

Persecution Politics: Paranoia Rules the Right

In early August, I began working on a book to document a growing sense of paranoia among right-wing conservatives. At the time, the media was fairly quiet on the subject. With the exception of liberal blogs (ahem), no one paid much attention to the wild rhetoric of the tea parties and occasional paranoid outbursts from commentators like Rush Limbaugh and politicians like Michelle Bachman. Then Sarah Palin loosed her "death panels" broadside, and the floodgates opened. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Timmy Johnson, 4, named COO of SEC enforcement division

TUPELO, Miss. — It was a day of happiness at the Johnson household today, as youngest son Timmy, 4, was named chief operating officer of the SEC enforcement division.

“We always knew Timmy would do great things,” said his mother, Sandra Johnson. “He’s always been really good with numbers.” [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

Official Who Denies Interracial Marriage Lets Black People Use His Bathroom

Just because Louisiana Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell refuses to let interracial couples marry doesn't mean that he's a racist. He just doesn't believe in "mixing the races that way," which raises the question, in what way does he believe in mixing the races? Native American-Tibetan? They both have a brownish hue and wear colorful traditional costumes, so maybe that's OK. Or perhaps he means that the races can mix in other ways. They can be bridge partners, for instance. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Out-of-control Weather Balloon flies across nation - GOP claims their Health Insurance Reform plans are inside

FORT COLLINS, Colo. — A homemade helium weather balloon got loose from the Republican National Committee headquarters today, leading authorities on a cross-country chase after Republicans insisted that their plans for health care reform were on board.

“All of our plans, like tort reform, just took off and flew away,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “I don’t know how they got in there, but our plans are now up in the air. Including tort reform.”

The balloon flew across three states before it finally came to the ground near Salt Lake City. Worried onlookers quickly opened up the saucer-shaped balloon but found nothing inside. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

iPhone Republican App

Love your iPhone?  Love political snark? I've got the video for you.

Michael Wolraich's picture

The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 20: Abraham pimps his wife, again

Abraham the wandering Jew moved south again to the Negev, where he frequently visited the city of Gerar in the land of the Philistines.

Commentary: The Great Rabbi Ezekiel Bezekiel has written, "The Torah does not say why Abraham visited Gerar, but doubtless it was for a holy purpose known to God." Holy purpose my hairy Hebrew hiney. Read on, friends, read on.

In Gerar, Abraham told everyone that his wife Sarah was sister. Abimelekh, the king of the Philistines, took a fancy to Sarah, even though she was well past 100 years old, and took her to his palace. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

America Loves Bacon and Bacon Related Products

We all love bacon, that’s not to dispute, but has this country gone overboard in it’s zeal for bacon?  I asked the almighty Google and the answer was a resounding yes in the form of the amazing amount of bacon related products that are available.  Below are just a few pictures of images found when one googles “bacon.”

Where I’m from “bacon briefcase,” has a different meaning.

What’s the best way to get a piece of bacon unstuck from your teeth?  Baconfloss!  No minty fresh after taste, just the strong reek of bacon. 
  [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Is it Peter Griffin or Glenn Beck?

Peter Griffin or Glenn Beck?
Hello everyone and welcome to the latest episode of “Is it Peter Griffin or Glenn Beck?” the show where we look at 10 quotes and decide whether they are from Family Guy father Peter Griffin, or from Apocalypse-hugger Glenn Beck. Let’s get started, shall we? [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

I denounce “Liberal” Martin Eisenstadt and his new book!

Throughout my long and inglorious writing career, I have always held true to the concept that money, fame, and recognition was always secondary. Good work has always been its own reward. These words I have lived by. But no more. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

Come on Baby Light My Ire: Jim Morrison's Ghost is Real!


According to a new book entitled Ghosts Caught on Film 2, a photograph taken in front of Jim Morrison’s tomb in Paris shows the ghost of Jim Morrison; you can tell it’s him be cause the ghost looks sexy and brooding.   Predictably, paranormal websites are treating this photo as proof of the existence of ghosts. Equally predictably, this raises my ire.

1)  The writer of Ghosts Caught on Film 2, Jim Eaton, claims that he’s a “Ghost Master.”  It’s one of those titles that is self proclaimed.  You know like, the decider.  I don’t think you can be considered to be an expert in something if your expertise was attained through your own proclamation.  But then again, if you can’t trust a Ghost Master, who can you trust? [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

BREAKING: Obama Wins More Prizes

While President Obama's recent Nobel Peace Prize has been attracting media attention, he has been quietly reaping a number of other prizes, including the New York Marathon, the Heisman Trophy, Best Cooking Blog, Sikh Man of the Year, and West Duluth High School's Most Likely to Succeed.

Critics have decried the flood of awards on the grounds that Obama has been selected for political reasons over more deserving candidates. The New York Marathon has been the subject of the widest scorn because the event has yet to take place. Ron Faerly, Chairman of Concerned Citizens for Marathon Transparency, protested: [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

Persecution Politics: Dollar Falls, Amero Looms


So screams today's Drudge Report headline in a thunderous "xx-large" Arial font. The linked AFP article discusses the possibility that the dollar might lose its place as the preferred global currency, but based on the headline, the reader might be excused for thinking that the nation is about to return to the barter system or else adopt Chinese renminbi. [Read more]

DF's picture

The Public Option Option Option

So, perhaps you've heard the buzz about a shiny, new compromise compromise in the battle for healthcare reform reform.  First, there was the notion of single-payer.  Of course, this proved to be far too unpalatable for anyone to the right of Dennis Kucinich, so then we were given the notion of the public option.  This would create a Medicare-style system for anyone who wanted to buy in.  It was certainly a compromise, but the merits of the compromise, as well as the general notion, were clear - it's publicly run and anyone can opt in.  Public.  Option. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Oklahoma law to hold men accountable for sperm "holocaust"

OKLAHOMA CITY - A new law set to come into effect on Nov. 1, will require all men in Oklahoma to reveal personal details regarding every sperm that they murder.

“Every year in Oklahoma, a googolplex of sperm die lonely deaths inside socks, in showers and other places,” said Oklahoma spokeswoman Sally Kern. “This holocaust of the unborn must end.”

While the law won’t require men to give out their identities, each day they will be required to fill out a form answering these eight questions: [Read more]

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