Deadman's picture

    This Is Birdemic!! (Mega Shark who???)

    Ok, I know its been along time since I posted, but this should more than make up for it. You're welcome ...

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Sarah Palin’s stand-up comedy more honest than her political speeches

    In the second biggest performance of her career, Sarah Palin stunned Jay Leno and Tonight Show viewers with her wit and delivery, but more importantly, her honesty. In fact-checking her stand-up routine on the Tonight Show last night, The Chronicles have found her routine was mostly truthful.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    GOP, Jim Bunning filibuster family's dinner

    AKRON — Edward Crone and his family had just finished saying grace and were prepared to begin eating dinner when Senate Republicans – led by the retiring Jim Bunning – burst through the door and threatened to filibuster the meal.

    “We see no way that the Crone family can possibly pay for this meal,” said Bunning. “If the Crone family can’t offset the price of a meal, what will they offset.”

    Caught off guard, Senate Democrats said they had no choice but to cancel the Crone’s dinner, as the mere threat of the filibuster was an unbeatable weapon against them.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: A drunken Barack Obama chokes living daylights out of Jim Bunning

    WASHINGTON – Inside sources confirm that U.S. President Barack Obama – completely hammered on Coors Light and Alabama Slammers – choked the living daylights out of Republican Senator Jim Bunning, today.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    The worst thing I can do to Andrew Breitbart

    According to pretend journalist Andrew Breitbart, “The worst thing you can do …in politically correct America…is accuse somebody of being a (sic) racism.”

    Let’s see if I can make it a little worser:

    Andrew Breitbart is a cowardly racist.

    Pass it on.

    --WKW

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Christian Fundamentalists = Islamic Fundamentalists: Blame the Rape Victim edition

    Whether they are Islamic, Christian or Scientologists, religious fundamentalists are truly an evil people. How else to explain the “Girls dressing provocatively are just asking to be raped” leaflet being handed out to girls in Bristol, Va.:

    “You may have been given this leaflet because of the way you are dressed,” it begins. “Have you thought about standing before the true and living God to be judged?”

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Got Torts? William K. Wolfrum’s Tort Reformation is here to help

    Do you have Torts? Do you wake up each morning to see a Tort-infested life that is destroying everything you hold dear?

    If that’s the case, then William K. Wolfrum’s Tort Reformation* is here for you.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Tiger Woods dropped by Gatorade - blogger's funniest post ever now moot

    It is with great sadness that I announce that Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a sponsor. No, it wasn't because they finally realized that golfers don't actually need electrolytes, it's far more nefarious than that. They dropped Tiger because he was doing the only thing that really required Gatorade - having sex with dozens and dozens of women not named Mrs. Woods.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Against the Crocodile: Amy Bishop, Joseph Stack, and the Press

    Reading some of the news coverage about the murderers Amy Bishop and Joe Stack over the last two weeks, and some of the responses to them by internet commenters, I've had the nauseating feeling that Bishop and Stack have gotten what they want. Not what they purport to want, of course, not a promotion or a revolution, but the things that their violence was actually aimed at getting them. I've had a hard time putting my objection into clear words, so I'm going to resort to a story from history:

    acanuck's picture

    The Decline, Fall, Plunge and Demise of Journalism

    If you go to the Drudge Report right now, you'll see the teaser:

    PAPER: Soros 'at center of hedge funds plot to cash in on demise of the euro'...

    If you click on the link, you'll see the Mail Online headline:

    Man who broke the Bank of England, George Soros, 'at centre of hedge funds plot to cash in on fall of the euro'

    If you read the lead paragraph, you'll see:

    A secretive group of Wall Street hedge fund bosses are said to be behind a plot to cash in on the decline of the euro.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Bipartisanship as Theater

    So President Obama's health care summit didn't go anywhere it wasn't expected to go. The Democrats made noises about bipartisan compromise and asked for Republican input. The Republicans demanded the whole bill (or more accurately both the bills) be scrapped entirely. The Democrats got no concessions. No reasonable person would have expected anything else at this point. And Barack Obama, who is a fairly reasonable person, must have expected to play out much the way it did.

    Topics: 
    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Why Do Liberals Hate Beauty Queens?

    What is the most persecuted demographic in the nation? It's not the blacks, the Jews, or the Hispanics, and certainly not the gays. One victim stands out in the gruesome annals of discrimination: the Beauty Queen.

    The latest sacrifice to the bottomless hunger of the gay liberal hate monster is Miss Beverly Hills, Lauren Ashley. Ashley simply quoted an innocent line from the Bible:

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    God speaks: "Beauty Pageant Contestants are going to Hell"

    HEAVEN – God, the all-powerful entity that controls all things on the planet, spoke to his people today for the first time in hundreds of years. Using the voice of actor Dennis Haysbert so that he wouldn’t shatter the eardrums and souls of ordinary humans, God was swift and to the point.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: Obama, Democrats vow to keep negotiating with brick wall

    WASHINGTON – Despite hours of negotiations, President Barack Obama and Congressional Democrats were unable to move a brick wall in the center of the White House.

    “This wall is weighing down the entire nation, but it just won’t listen to reason,” said Obama at a special press conference. “But I’m dedicated to offering it more leverage in these negotiations.”

    MJS's picture

    Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

    The layman definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results.

    That mentality, incidentally, also appears to be the cornerstone of Republican politics. We have seen it many times before: start a war or two, give tax cuts to the rich, and expect the national debt to decrease. If at first you don't succeed...

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jersey Shore 2 cast announced: John Boehner is ‘The Situation’

    JERSEY – MTV has announced a new cast for its hit show “Jersey Shore.” After seeing a group of unknown Italian Americans take the nation by storm and put “Guido and Guidette” into popular culture, this season, some of America’s top Conservatives will have everyone talking about “Cons and Conettes.”

    Jersey shore

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Andrew Joseph Stack: Pauper with a Private Plane

    So, Andrew Joseph Stack was angry at the IRS for his financial problems. So he got in his plane....

    Stop. Stop it. Stop right there.

    Do people in the media ever listen to themselves?

    We have a person who, aside from being a murderer, feels he's being unjustly treated by the taxman. And that person, who considers his woes so unbearable that he's willing to take human life, has at least one personal aircraft. I know what you're thinking: The poor man. It's like something out of Steinbeck.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Amy Bishop, Collegiality, and Debates About Tenure

    Amy Bishop's murder of three colleagues, and attempt to murder three others, looks to be even less about tenure than I originally claimed ... but it's still university tenure that people want to talk about. It's become clear that Bishop would eventually have been fired under almost any conceivable system of review, and that Bishop would almost undoubtedly have responded violently to some other setback sooner or later.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Bring back slavery (or build more prisons)

    While the U.S. economy continues to operate, the unemployment situation in the nation is still a giant area of concern. When unemployment hits 10 percent, economic heads explode. When it stays that way, it could be disastrous.

    So while the recently passed “Jobs Bill” may seem like a nice addition to the battle for employment, U.S. politicos have yet to propose the only plan that could conceivably put the U.S. back on top.

    It’s time to bring back slavery.

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