Book of the Month

Michael Wolraich's picture

Official Who Denies Interracial Marriage Lets Black People Use His Bathroom

Just because Louisiana Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell refuses to let interracial couples marry doesn't mean that he's a racist. He just doesn't believe in "mixing the races that way," which raises the question, in what way does he believe in mixing the races? Native American-Tibetan? They both have a brownish hue and wear colorful traditional costumes, so maybe that's OK. Or perhaps he means that the races can mix in other ways. They can be bridge partners, for instance. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Out-of-control Weather Balloon flies across nation - GOP claims their Health Insurance Reform plans are inside

FORT COLLINS, Colo. — A homemade helium weather balloon got loose from the Republican National Committee headquarters today, leading authorities on a cross-country chase after Republicans insisted that their plans for health care reform were on board.

“All of our plans, like tort reform, just took off and flew away,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “I don’t know how they got in there, but our plans are now up in the air. Including tort reform.”

The balloon flew across three states before it finally came to the ground near Salt Lake City. Worried onlookers quickly opened up the saucer-shaped balloon but found nothing inside. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

iPhone Republican App

Love your iPhone?  Love political snark? I've got the video for you.

Michael Wolraich's picture

The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 20: Abraham pimps his wife, again

Abraham the wandering Jew moved south again to the Negev, where he frequently visited the city of Gerar in the land of the Philistines.

Commentary: The Great Rabbi Ezekiel Bezekiel has written, "The Torah does not say why Abraham visited Gerar, but doubtless it was for a holy purpose known to God." Holy purpose my hairy Hebrew hiney. Read on, friends, read on.

In Gerar, Abraham told everyone that his wife Sarah was sister. Abimelekh, the king of the Philistines, took a fancy to Sarah, even though she was well past 100 years old, and took her to his palace. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

America Loves Bacon and Bacon Related Products

We all love bacon, that’s not to dispute, but has this country gone overboard in it’s zeal for bacon?  I asked the almighty Google and the answer was a resounding yes in the form of the amazing amount of bacon related products that are available.  Below are just a few pictures of images found when one googles “bacon.”
 

Where I’m from “bacon briefcase,” has a different meaning.
 

What’s the best way to get a piece of bacon unstuck from your teeth?  Baconfloss!  No minty fresh after taste, just the strong reek of bacon. 
  [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Is it Peter Griffin or Glenn Beck?

Peter Griffin or Glenn Beck?
Hello everyone and welcome to the latest episode of “Is it Peter Griffin or Glenn Beck?” the show where we look at 10 quotes and decide whether they are from Family Guy father Peter Griffin, or from Apocalypse-hugger Glenn Beck. Let’s get started, shall we? [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

I denounce “Liberal” Martin Eisenstadt and his new book!

Throughout my long and inglorious writing career, I have always held true to the concept that money, fame, and recognition was always secondary. Good work has always been its own reward. These words I have lived by. But no more. [Read more]

Larry Jankens's picture

Come on Baby Light My Ire: Jim Morrison's Ghost is Real!

 

According to a new book entitled Ghosts Caught on Film 2, a photograph taken in front of Jim Morrison’s tomb in Paris shows the ghost of Jim Morrison; you can tell it’s him be cause the ghost looks sexy and brooding.   Predictably, paranormal websites are treating this photo as proof of the existence of ghosts. Equally predictably, this raises my ire.

1)  The writer of Ghosts Caught on Film 2, Jim Eaton, claims that he’s a “Ghost Master.”  It’s one of those titles that is self proclaimed.  You know like, the decider.  I don’t think you can be considered to be an expert in something if your expertise was attained through your own proclamation.  But then again, if you can’t trust a Ghost Master, who can you trust? [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

BREAKING: Obama Wins More Prizes

While President Obama's recent Nobel Peace Prize has been attracting media attention, he has been quietly reaping a number of other prizes, including the New York Marathon, the Heisman Trophy, Best Cooking Blog, Sikh Man of the Year, and West Duluth High School's Most Likely to Succeed.

Critics have decried the flood of awards on the grounds that Obama has been selected for political reasons over more deserving candidates. The New York Marathon has been the subject of the widest scorn because the event has yet to take place. Ron Faerly, Chairman of Concerned Citizens for Marathon Transparency, protested: [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

Persecution Politics: Dollar Falls, Amero Looms

KISS THE DOLLAR GOODBYE

So screams today's Drudge Report headline in a thunderous "xx-large" Arial font. The linked AFP article discusses the possibility that the dollar might lose its place as the preferred global currency, but based on the headline, the reader might be excused for thinking that the nation is about to return to the barter system or else adopt Chinese renminbi. [Read more]

DF's picture

The Public Option Option Option

So, perhaps you've heard the buzz about a shiny, new compromise compromise in the battle for healthcare reform reform.  First, there was the notion of single-payer.  Of course, this proved to be far too unpalatable for anyone to the right of Dennis Kucinich, so then we were given the notion of the public option.  This would create a Medicare-style system for anyone who wanted to buy in.  It was certainly a compromise, but the merits of the compromise, as well as the general notion, were clear - it's publicly run and anyone can opt in.  Public.  Option. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Oklahoma law to hold men accountable for sperm "holocaust"

OKLAHOMA CITY - A new law set to come into effect on Nov. 1, will require all men in Oklahoma to reveal personal details regarding every sperm that they murder.

“Every year in Oklahoma, a googolplex of sperm die lonely deaths inside socks, in showers and other places,” said Oklahoma spokeswoman Sally Kern. “This holocaust of the unborn must end.”

While the law won’t require men to give out their identities, each day they will be required to fill out a form answering these eight questions: [Read more]

Doctor Cleveland's picture

Why Obama Won the Nobel, Part I

So, have you heard about President Obama winning the Nobel Prize? If you'd suggested this to me yesterday, I wouldn't have believed it, let alone been able to put forth an argument for it, so I won't pretend it made intuitive sense when I woke up this morning.

I do think this prize makes more sense when you think about the nature of the Nobels for Peace, and for Literature, and understand how they work. If you think of the Nobels, or similar prizes, as straightforward and objective rewards for merit, then it seems obvious that Obama should continue paying his dues, and maybe the Middle East's dues, before it's his turn.
 [Read more]

DF's picture

Shoot the Moon

Okay, so we're not really bombing the moon, as some of the more sensational headlines have indicated.  We're trying to find out more about the water that might be there.  However, this did remind me of one of my favorite sketches from Mr. Show.  Submitted for your approval:

 [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

Conservatives Decry Obama Nobel Peace Prize, Award Alternative "Jesus Prize"

Conservatives reacted with shock and dismay to the Nobel committee's decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama. There are reports that some prominent conservatives exploded like Agent Smith at the end of Matrix. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Barack Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize - Conservatives explode like Agent Smith at the end of Matrix

UNITED STATES - In a stunning announcement today, U.S. President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his diplomatic efforts. Immediately following the announcements, Conservatives throughout the United States lost cohesion and exploded, much like the Agent Smith character did at the end of the Matrix.

“I was sitting next to Jonah Goldberg and Bill Kristol having breakfast,” said an unnamed source. “We heard the news and I looked over to them and all I saw were pixels floating into space.” [Read more]

SarahPalinGrrrrl's picture

LEVI JOHNSTON IS A PLAYGIRL PERV

so my ex-boycrush is a expositionist perv. its cool. i'm not like some dumbass kid. i get that sometimes people have to do stuff for money Money mouth and sometimes that means that u have to be naked in a magazine so millions of homopervs Tongue out can wacketywackwack themselfs to a pic of ur beautiful love-noodle. [Read more]

Deadman's picture

I'm back ... and the Bear will be joining me shortly

OK, I know I've been a bad, bad, bad dagblogger for quite some time, but seeing as I'm getting married in less than four weeks, I'm giving myself a pass. (Today's key word: ELOPE!!!)

I'll be back more regularly by the end of the year, but for now, I just wanted to give you a ballsy prediction:

The market is nearing a significant short-term top. Nailing the exact timing is always difficult, but I expect we'll be significantly lower by the end of the year, and certainly by the end of the first quarter of next year, I expect we will see market averages at least 15-20% lower than we have now. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

To save America, Levi Johnston must reveal his wang

My friends, never before in my lifetime have I witnessed an America so divided. Republicans fighting Democrats. Libertarians fighting environmentalists. Whigs not fighting anyone but just happy to be mentioned.

This is why President Barack Obama comes under such criticism. He was elected under the false hope that he’d invite the economy over for a beer and have it leave a bull market behind. But Obama does not have all the answers, nor the ability to turn thing around. In fact, no man has the ability to turn this great nation around. Except one. Levi Johnston. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

I’m heterosexual - and, wow, do I have a lot of rights

My friends, I have long withheld this information, as I’ve long believed that my sexuality is no one’s business but my own. However, after seeing recent studies and news reports, I believe that now is the perfect time to come forward and admit what so many have long believed:

I am heterosexual. And let me tell you something, it’s freakin’ fantastic. [Read more]

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