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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 15: Doh!

About this time, Abram discovered a small flaw in God’s divine plan to make his offspring as numerous as the dust of the earth: his wife was sterile. So when God came to him in a vision with more promises of greatness and plentiful offspring, Abram pointed out that Sarai’s advanced age and well-documented sterility could present a problem.

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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 14: Abram kicks ass

There was at this time a war between nine kings of various tribes of ites and ims. Four of the kings defeated the other five, including the king of Sodom. The victors pillaged the possessions of the vanquished and took their people captive, including Abram’s nephew, Lot, who had been chilling in Sodom. When Abram heard of the kidnapping, he chased the four kings with 318 of his servants. He split his forces (all 318 of them) and rescued the captives and their possessions.

Commentary: Obviously, these were not the most powerful kings ever to rule the Middle East.

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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 13: Three's a crowd

So Abram, Sarai, and Lot, enriched by the prostitution business, headed back north to Canaan. They were so rich that the land couldn’t support all their flocks, and their herdsman started to squabble, so Abram told Lot to go one way, and he would go the other. Lot went east to the wicked city of Sodom, and Abram went west.

Commentary: Lot did not have a good head for real estate.

When Lot was gone, God promised Abram that all the land as far as he could see would soon be his and that his offspring would be as numerous as the dust of the earth.

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Tweets from the Edge: an Iranian twitters as Tehran burns

Follow the tragic experiences of an Iranian student on twitter as the protests in Tehran unfold: http://twitter.com/change_for_iran. I'll display the latest tweets on the right panel of this page. Here are some samples of recent tweets in chronological order:

Topics: 
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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 12: Abram pimps his wife

When Abram turned 75, God told him to move out of his father’s house.

Commentary: I have to agree with God on this one.

To encourage him, God promised: “I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you great. You shall become a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and he who curses you, I will curse. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you.”

Commentary: I think that God had a little man-crush on Abram.

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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 11: God is an asshole

The descendents of Nimrod, the mighty trapper before God, settled in the valley of Shinar. Once they were settled, they decided that it would be fun to build a really tall tower that reached the sky, so that’s what they did.

Then God came around to check out their tower, and he apparently wasn’t too pleased because he said,

“They are a single people, all having one language, and this is the first thing they do! Now nothing they plan to do will be unattainable for them! Come, let us descend and confuse their speech, so that one person will not understand another's speech.”

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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 10: Of ites and ims

This is another boring chapter. It’s just a list Noah’s kids and grandkids and great grandkids who founded seventy nations between them, including a bunch of “ites”  (Canaanites, Jebusites, Amorites, Girgashites, Hivites, Overbites, Arkites, Sinites, Arvadites, Uptites, and Chamathites) and a few “ims” (Ludim, Anamim, Wetdrim, Lehabhim, Naftuchim, Pathrusim, Casluchim, Caphtorim, and Shavincrim). I didn’t count seventy, but that’s what the Great Rabbi says, and he is one wise counter.

There is one line, however, that makes the whole chapter worth reading:

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The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 9: Noah gets naked

When we last left our hero, Noah had disembarked from the ship and sacrificed a few clean animals to thank God for not drowning him, his family, and all the animals (except the sacrificed ones). God blessed Noah and his children, and in case they had forgotten, reminded them to be fruitful and multiply.

Commentary: Sometimes, God reminds me of my mother.

God also gave the people permission to eat the animals, though He forbade them from eating live animals.

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Biography

Michael Wolraich is a non-fiction writer in New York City. He co-founded dagblog and has contributed  to the Atlantic, the Daily Beast, New York Magazine, CNN.com, TalkingPointsMemo.com, Reuters, and Pando Daily.

Books:

Wolraich is also the computer genius who maintains dagblog's state-of-the-art software, but he denies responsibility for technical glitches and advises users to "quit sniveling." In his spare time, Wolraich raises peach mold and performs live impressions of the law of gravity.

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