So God finished his business and left for vacation. Adam and the woman hung out in the garden with a particularly clever snake. When Adam was off doing something (don’t ask), the snake asked the woman about what fruit she was allowed to eat. The woman explained what God had said about the toxic properties of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The snake, who was apparently smarter than the people, told the woman that what God had said was false.

As I said, God took a day off. It’s not clear what he did on his day off, but we hope something fun and relaxing. But before he called it quits, God made a pretty garden for the first man, Adam. The garden had some nice trees, including the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, which is a long name for a tree. Before heading out, God commanded Adam not to eat from the tree with the long name for “the day you eat from it, you will definitely die.”

At first, there wasn’t much of anything. Well, there was God, and there was some water, so maybe that’s a lot. But there wasn’t anything else, that’s my point. Then God decided to make some other stuff probably because he was bored of the water. So first he made some light so that he could see what he was doing. He thought that was a pretty good accomplishment for the first day and congratulated himself on a job well done.

The second day, God made a hole in the water and called it the sky.

May 1, 2029

Canadians suffered a fifteenth day without computer access as the the Canadian government negotiated with a malicious software virus for release of its nation's computers. The virus, known by its nom de guerre, Evil LOLcat, has demanded ¥10 billion, freedom for 25 quarantined viruses, and a "cheezburger."