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William K. Wolfrum's picture

I’m heterosexual - and, wow, do I have a lot of rights

My friends, I have long withheld this information, as I’ve long believed that my sexuality is no one’s business but my own. However, after seeing recent studies and news reports, I believe that now is the perfect time to come forward and admit what so many have long believed:

I am heterosexual. And let me tell you something, it’s freakin’ fantastic.

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Blogger to rewrite Holy Bible because it serves him poorly: "It's a masturbatory issue"

OMAHA - Noted blogger William K. Wolfrum has announced today his plans to rewrite the Holy Bible so it better conforms to his standards.

“From what I’ve been told, the Bible’s a hell of a book and has a lot of good lessons,” said Wolfrum, who has admitted to skimming through Revelations to see how it all ends. “But there’s just a lot of stuff in there that doesn’t work for me.”

Wolfrum said he is only interested in changing one major element in the Bible.

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Alan Grayson must apologize now! Democrats must always stay above the fray

Every morning I wake up, look at myself in the mirror and ask myself this question: Am I a good guy? Now, it’s a purely hypothetical question, as there is no doubt that I’m a good guy who has high standards of politeness and decorum.

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Naked Short Spellers are destroying the quality, profitability of my blog

William K. Wolfrum made this statement to supporters at 3 p.m.

“My friends, as many of you may have noticed, there has been a huge drop off in the quality of my blog posts over the past few months. Due to this, there has also been a drop in profitability for this blog, as well.

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Conservatives risk being jailed, tortured

There is a remote, although gaining, possibility America’s military will intervene as a last resort to resolve the “Conservative Problem.” Don’t dismiss it as unrealistic.

America isn’t the Third World. If a military coup does occur here it will be civilized. That it has never happened doesn’t mean it wont. Describing what may be afoot is not to advocate it. So, view the following through military eyes:

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Sarah Palin & Jack Donaghy in 2012 - The perfect pretend Conservatives for a pretend GOP

For political groupies, these days a big story involves looking to the 2010 midterm elections. Already, many have predicted that Republicans will gain seats in the U.S. Senate. While this may or may not end up happening, the storyline has led to what many could have expected - Republicans are pretending they had anything to do with it.

William K. Wolfrum's picture

New Scientific Study proves you've been right all along

WASHINGTON - A new study from the prestigious Wolfrum Alpha Research Squad has confirmed what most people already believe - that they are absolutely correct on all issues and would be foolish to listen to opposing viewpoints.

"After years of intense research, we believe our conclusions are faultless," said lead researcher William "Buzz" Wolfrum. "Just like everyone's opinions."

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Overstock.com gets a subpoena from SEC, local papers miss the story

Utah-based Internet wholesaler Overstock.com recently received a subpoena from the SEC. The SEC will be investigating “previously-announced restatements of its financial statements in 2006 and 2008 and other matters.” It is the second such investigation into Overstock.com’s finances in the last two years.

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William K. Wolfrum's picture

Corporate Person CIGNA named Obama's new Health Care Reform Czar

 

WASHINGTON - The Health Insurance Corporate Person CIGNA has accepted the position of "Health Care Reform Czar," White House officials have confirmed. The Corporate Person will take over the job as the Obama Administration gets ready for its final push on health care reform.

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William K. Wolfrum's picture

Personal Information

Website
http://www.williamkwolfrum.com
Biography
William K. Wolfrum is an American journalist and writer residing in Brazil. Wolfrum's experience's consist of being a bartender, bouncer, carny, amateur boxer and commercial fisherman, which he talks about all the time, thinking it makes him some sort of tough guy. Wolfrum has been published or mentioned in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Toronto Star, and a bunch of other newspapers and magazines. Wolfrum is a two-time Alaska Press Club Award winner who hopes to someday win other awards so he doesn't have to talk about those two anymore.

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