William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Apocalypse strikes – Conservatives declare victory

    Nov. 23, 2015 — Stating that he’d “Grown bored with the bullshit,” God Almighty announced he was unleashing the Apocalypse some 900 years early.

    “Time goes crazy fast for me and all, but this is unbearable,” said Almighty, 43, adding cryptically, “I have other civilizations to deal with.”

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    God Relents: Condoms Cool for Sick Gay Prostitutes

    God announced through his spokesman Pope Benedict XVI that male prostitutes with HIV would be permitted to use condoms in order to prevent the spread of the disease. The ruling applied retroactively, so past condom use under appropriate conditions would be pardoned. In principle, the pardon could elevate unrepentant condom users from Purgatory or even Hell, but divine experts expect the ruling to have little practical significance for condemned souls.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    International Jewish Conspiracy REVEALED!

    Mike AKA Genghis's recent post on CNN.com has brought us a bunch of new anonymous commenters, who are very angry on Mr. Beck's behalf, and are generously warning us of the dangers of conspiratorial Jews such as Mr. Soros. We thank them for sharing their views. One new internet buddy speculates that Mike must be part of the Jewish conspiracy himself:

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Barack Obama preemptively shuts down Government to appease Republicans

    WASHINGTON – Continuing his pattern of negotiating before being at the negotiating table, President Barack Obama shut down the Federal Government today.

    “We must work together,” said Obama, on the 16th hole of Pebble Beach. “By shutting down the government right now, we’re showing Republicans that we are open to their suggestions.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Anarchy, Death Nazis! Fox News gives up on 'Elitist' complete sentences

    NEW YORK – “Anarchist, terrorist, commie, death!” said Glenn Beck.

    “Obama 9/11 9/11 Muslim!! Nazi death Democrats!” shouted Sean Hannity.

    While the above appear to be little more than random scare words thrown together, for Rupert Murdoch and Fox News, they institute a new pre-election strategy.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    William K. Wolfrum's Morning: Paul is dead

    Paul octopus dead
    Don’t be sad, Paul saw this coming.

    News/Politics

    Paul the Octopus: Famed psychic cephalopod is dead. Luckily, he’s also delicious.

    Iran: Loading fuel into a nuclear reactor for the first time, Iran takes another step toward getting bombed.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    William K. Wolfrum's Morning: Just a Hairy Guy


    Love your hair.

    Wolfrum’s Word

    I’m starting to get a minor bald spot on the top of my head. This doesn’t really upset me, but I just thought you should know.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Chilean Miner Rescue Inspires Copycat Operations

    As Chileans celebrated the sensational rescue of 33 trapped miners, other nations have looked on with envy at Chile's display of patriotic unity and national goodwill.

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