Don’t be sad, Paul saw this coming.

News/Politics

Paul the Octopus: Famed psychic cephalopod is dead. Luckily, he’s also delicious.

Iran: Loading fuel into a nuclear reactor for the first time, Iran takes another step toward getting bombed. [Read more]

No touching!!!

News/Politics

Boy Scouts: Firing of Gay troop leader continues a fine history of discrimination [Read more]

Sorry about that. [Read more]

Love your hair.

Wolfrum’s Word

I’m starting to get a minor bald spot on the top of my head. This doesn’t really upset me, but I just thought you should know.

News/Politics

Shots Fired: Seems someone was shooting at the Pentagon. [Read more]

These guys are truly All About Beards. [Read more]

As Chileans celebrated the sensational rescue of 33 trapped miners, other nations have looked on with envy at Chile's display of patriotic unity and national goodwill.

In several Latin American countries, unpopular leaders reportedly plan to divert their restive citizens by staging even more spectacular rescue operations. According to a government insider, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner of Argentina has arranged to trap 60 miners for for 87 days in another Andes copper mine and then rescue them. Not to be outdone, President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva of Brazil reportedly plans to trap 75 miners for 94 days in an iron mine and then personally accompany them to the service in a specially designed presidential capsule nicknamed the Lula-Pod. [Read more]

If you're going to be small, be the smallest.

News/Politics

Afghanistan: More death to come. [Read more]

Nadia and Thad Comaneci looked at their child with the love the love of new parents. eyes of newborn parents. That he was 14 seemed to have no affect on them whatsoever. Timmy Johnson was their new son.

“Look at him. He always wants the hamburgers and the video games. He is so beautiful,” said Nadia Comaneci, of her newly adopted American son. “Always with the fuckaoofs.”

“Oh, Fuck off,” said Johnson.

The Comanecis are a new breed of Romanian – lower middle class, confident, and with an eye toward the greater good – who have been adopting American children at a record rate. The children generally range in ages from 4 to 16, as most Americans seem to enjoy their children more when they are babies. [Read more]

Shortly after pulling this stunt, George W. Bush was elected President of America.

News/Politics

Chilean Miners: Free at last. [Read more]

1,000,000,000 human beings were hungry around the globe in 2010.

News/Politics

Hunger: A billion people are hungry. You can't understand that. It's too enormous. Stop, think. Again - A billion people are hungry. Get it, yet?   [Read more]

LINCOLN, Neb. — When it comes to Barack Obama, it’s all Black and White.

A new Chronicles Poll shows that Americans overwhelming approve of President Obama’s White half, while his Black half has approval ratings that rival Sarah Palin’s. [Read more]

Sure, Star Wars Yoga sounds fun, but it’s a one-way ticket to Hell.

News/Politics

Yoga Kills: A Southern Baptist pastor makes it clear – stretching and breathing calmly will not be tolerated in God’s kingdom.

Hungary: The toxic sludge is slowing, but the damage isn’t. [Read more]

BOISE – Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ today announced new plans for Heaven’s prayer service, as, starting Nov. 1, each Christian must pay a $75 per month “Listen to Your Prayers” Subscription fee.

“For too long now, we’ve allowed non-tithers to piggyback on true tithers,” said Christ, 30-ish. ” Now, you can still pray, but if you don’t pay, we won’t listen.” [Read more]

Lady Gaga is more powerful than Nancy Pelosi, says Forbes.

News/Politics

BP Oil Disaster: Business-hating President Barack Obama really went out of his way to shield British Petroleum. [Read more]

Flipping the Bird: Maurizio Cattelan let’s the Milan Stock Market know how we feel.

News/Politics

Taliban: Blowing stuff up.

Sludge: Would people in Hungary notice if their country was slathered in toxic goo? Answer: Yes! [Read more]

I'm not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you.

-- Christine O'Donnell, Republican for Senate

I'm not a witch either. Like Christine O'Donnell, I'm you. Indeed, I'm much more you than Ms. O'Donnell. I'm so you that if you weren't you, you would think that I was you. In fact, the only thing holding me back from actually being you is you, if you get my meaning. [Read more]

Love his music? Love her politics? Then Sarah Bieber may be just for you.

News/Politics

Rogue French: A rogue trader – called in some circles a thief – pays the price with a whopping three years in jail for stealing billions and nearly killing the French economy.

Times Square Bombed: Faisal Shahzad to learn the price he will pay today in court. Regardless, it’s Obama’s fault. [Read more]

When you have access to a pug puppy, you take advantage of said access. So I present, with no further delay:

Alfredo the Pug Puppy

Seven seconds of pleasure.

He sits. [Read more]

I feel a little Kinky.

News/Politics

Travel Alert for Europe!: Screw it, I’m going anyway.

Pakistan: Death.

America’s Elite Media: Broder and Woodward Still on Lecture Circuit. [Read more]

God. Just chill.

News/Politics

Marijuana in Calif.: Arnold Schwarzeneggger decriminalizes an ounce or less.

Bin Laden Speaks:

Al Qaeda leader may be desperate as he makes latest video wearing a meat suit.

Afghanistan: Death.

Pakistan: Violence. [Read more]