Cleveland: Keeping Christmas at Home
Ramona: The War on Happy Holidays
NEW YORK – “Anarchist, terrorist, commie, death!” said Glenn Beck.
“Obama 9/11 9/11 Muslim!! Nazi death Democrats!” shouted Sean Hannity.
While the above appear to be little more than random scare words thrown together, for Rupert Murdoch and Fox News, they institute a new pre-election strategy.
Starting this morning, Fox News personalities will use the final week prior to the mid-term elections to connect with their viewership on an entirely new level – by just using words that will get them fired up to vote. [Read more]
Sorry about that. [Read more]
As Chileans celebrated the sensational rescue of 33 trapped miners, other nations have looked on with envy at Chile's display of patriotic unity and national goodwill.
In several Latin American countries, unpopular leaders reportedly plan to divert their restive citizens by staging even more spectacular rescue operations. According to a government insider, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner of Argentina has arranged to trap 60 miners for for 87 days in another Andes copper mine and then rescue them. Not to be outdone, President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva of Brazil reportedly plans to trap 75 miners for 94 days in an iron mine and then personally accompany them to the service in a specially designed presidential capsule nicknamed the Lula-Pod. [Read more]
Nadia and Thad Comaneci looked at their child with the love the love of new parents. eyes of newborn parents. That he was 14 seemed to have no affect on them whatsoever. Timmy Johnson was their new son.
“Look at him. He always wants the hamburgers and the video games. He is so beautiful,” said Nadia Comaneci, of her newly adopted American son. “Always with the fuckaoofs.”
“Oh, Fuck off,” said Johnson.
The Comanecis are a new breed of Romanian – lower middle class, confident, and with an eye toward the greater good – who have been adopting American children at a record rate. The children generally range in ages from 4 to 16, as most Americans seem to enjoy their children more when they are babies. [Read more]
BOISE – Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ today announced new plans for Heaven’s prayer service, as, starting Nov. 1, each Christian must pay a $75 per month “Listen to Your Prayers” Subscription fee.
“For too long now, we’ve allowed non-tithers to piggyback on true tithers,” said Christ, 30-ish. ” Now, you can still pray, but if you don’t pay, we won’t listen.” [Read more]
I'm not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you.
-- Christine O'Donnell, Republican for Senate
I'm not a witch either. Like Christine O'Donnell, I'm you. Indeed, I'm much more you than Ms. O'Donnell. I'm so you that if you weren't you, you would think that I was you. In fact, the only thing holding me back from actually being you is you, if you get my meaning. [Read more]
Love his music? Love her politics? Then Sarah Bieber may be just for you.
Rogue French: A rogue trader – called in some circles a thief – pays the price with a whopping three years in jail for stealing billions and nearly killing the French economy.
When you have access to a pug puppy, you take advantage of said access. So I present, with no further delay:
Seven seconds of pleasure.
He sits. [Read more]