Book of the Month

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Wolfrum's Morning: Two days after Tuesday

It's two days after Tuesday.

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William K. Wolfrum's picture

Dead Elf challenges entire GOP presidential field to debate on Constitution

MINNESOTA – A wayward elf that froze to death in the snow last December has challenged the entire GOP Presidential Field to a debate on the U.S. Constitution, sources close to the Dead Elf say.

“He’s pretty confident. Or IT is pretty confident,” said the source. "I’m really not sure how to refer to an Elf corpse.”

The challenge comes after literally two consecutive years of Republican Presidential hopefuls butchering the Constitution in order to make it appear it agrees with their often-outlandish views. The most recent come from Pizza Guru Herman Cain, who confused the Declaration of Independence with the Constitution, while admonishing his fan base for not actually reading the Constitution.

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Wolfrum's Morning: How to help tornado victims

Help tornadoes
It’s devastation in Missouri.

Tornado

Missouri: Obama to head to Missouri on Sunday as death tolls reach more than 110.

How to Help Tornado Victims (Via USA Today) [Read more]

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Breaking: Rapture Came & Went Three Weeks Ago - No One Noticed

SALT LAKE CITY – The Rapture came and went three weeks ago, say researchers at Brigham Young University. The entire episode took five hours and 45 minutes, and few if any took notice.

“Yeah, Christ was here, he looked around, played a round of golf at Pebble Beach and split,” said one researcher. “It’s a little disappointing really. We expected serious fireworks.”

Many Christians have long believed that the Rapture would include the “vanishing” of millions of loyal Christians around the globe, leaving the rest of the world’s population to die in hellfire. The return of Jesus was supposed to usher in high times for loyal Christians as the doors of heaven would open for them. [Read more]

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Wolfrum Morning: Let’s get Raptured, Baby


You only have a couple days left. Make them count. [Read more]

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Tiberius: No investigations in Jesus Christ ‘Advanced Crucifixion Techniques’ case

ROME (April 28, 1) — Emperor Tiberius Caesar Augustus has announced there will be no investigations into the purported torture and crucifixion of convicted heretic and enemy of the state Jesus Christ. In a statement from the Emperor’s office, Tiberius stated that Christ’s crucifixion did not meet the empire’s definition of torture, and that it was time for Roman’s to begin focusing on the future. [Read more]

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Wolfrum's Morning: Fly Away

The Endeavor's final launch.

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Koch Brothers donations give them final say on the Rapture

HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had essentially taken control of the economics departments of such public colleges as Florida State University. In the FSU case, the Koch Brothers donated $1.5 million to the economics department, but with the caveat that the money could be taken away should the brothers disagree with any new hires.

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Wolfrum's Morning: Oh, that Arnold

By law, all bloggers have to post some version of this song today.

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The Yes Men & Coal Cares to Peabody Energy and Coal Industry: Stop Killing Kids

Since my previous post on the satirical Web site CoalCares.org, there have been several interesting developments. First off, the infamous Yes Men have been outed as the masterminds behind the site.

Secondly, Peabody Energy sent the Yes Men a legal threat to take down the site. You can read that here (pdf). A snippet: [Read more]

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Wolfrum's Morning: Nothing in Common

There was nothing to the Common story. [Read more]

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What's in a name?

Over the course of the day, I've come across three stories from major media outlets that shared two things in common. First, all three stories were trivial. Second, all three of these trivial stories were based on comments from anonymous sources.

First up, Derek Thompson at the Atlantic:

GOP Aide: Republicans Not 'Intellectually Honest' on Taxes

"But a senior GOP aid I spoke with, who asked that his name be withheld to speak freely, said the Republicans' no-tax-increase stance wasn't "intellectually honest" in the real world." [Read more]

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Wolfrum's Morning: Don't Panic

 

Thanks for all the fish, Douglas.

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Are U.S. Veterans freeloaders? John Stossel will be the judge of that

If you need more proof that Libertarianism is an ideology of the soul-less, let John Stossel finish the deal:

After my FBN show last week, where I let critics of my FREELOADERS show talk back, I got this e-mail:

Dear Mr. Stossel,

I am a veteran who is rated and compensated as 100% disabled.

Do you, and Libertarians in general view me as a “freeloader;” and should I not be compensated according to your views of this situation?

Like your show, and I am truly curious. While I register as a Democrat, I’m probably a Libertarian at heart.

Regards,

Stephen Chase

I responded: [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

CoalCares.org's clever hoax

Head on over to CoalCares.org and take a look at the work they’ve done creating a spoof Web site for the purpose of creating discussion on the harm of coal plants as well as rising asthma rates.

A snippet from the site: [Read more]

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Newt Gingrich’s latest marriage is destroying the fabric of my potential divorce

Coming from a conservative upbringing, I have long held strong beliefs about marriage and the commitment that comes with eventually destroying said marriage. So when I married more than seven years ago, I set out on a path to make mine the most traditional marriage and divorce as possible. As my marriage has evolved, I have followed conservative principles as best as I could so I could have the type of marriage that emulated those of American heroes John McCain, Ronald Reagan and Rudy Giuliani. [Read more]

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Wolfrum's Morning: Don't Call It A Comeback

Let's crank this back up, shall we?

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