William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Moammar Gadhafi announces run for GOP Presidential Nomination

    LIBYA – Speaking from an underground bunker somewhere near Tripoli, Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi announced his run for U.S. President.

    “I mean, there’s a lot going on right now,” said Gadhafi, who is simultaneously being attacked by Libyan rebels and NATO forces. “But the field just seems so, you know, empty.”

    Gadhafi’s bid received an endorsement from conservative leader Bill Kristol, who said he was “dazzled” by the dictator’s humor and conservative ideals on a recent Conservative cruise for politicians and donors.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Wolfrum’s Morning: Remembering

    memorial Day
    Let us remember.

    New

    Memorial Day: David Blight takes a look at how it all started. Also, take a look at CNN’s Home & Away presentation.

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Dead Elf challenges entire GOP presidential field to debate on Constitution

    MINNESOTA – A wayward elf that froze to death in the snow last December has challenged the entire GOP Presidential Field to a debate on the U.S. Constitution, sources close to the Dead Elf say.

    “He’s pretty confident. Or IT is pretty confident,” said the source. "I’m really not sure how to refer to an Elf corpse.”

    The challenge comes after literally two consecutive years of Republican Presidential hopefuls butchering the Constitution in order to make it appear it agrees with their often-outlandish views. The most recent come from Pizza Guru Herman Cain, who confused the Declaration of Independence with the Constitution, while admonishing his fan base for not actually reading the Constitution.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: Rapture Came & Went Three Weeks Ago - No One Noticed

    SALT LAKE CITY – The Rapture came and went three weeks ago, say researchers at Brigham Young University. The entire episode took five hours and 45 minutes, and few if any took notice.

    “Yeah, Christ was here, he looked around, played a round of golf at Pebble Beach and split,” said one researcher. “It’s a little disappointing really. We expected serious fireworks.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Tiberius: No investigations in Jesus Christ ‘Advanced Crucifixion Techniques’ case

    ROME (April 28, 1) — Emperor Tiberius Caesar Augustus has announced there will be no investigations into the purported torture and crucifixion of convicted heretic and enemy of the state Jesus Christ. In a statement from the Emperor’s office, Tiberius stated that Christ’s crucifixion did not meet the empire’s definition of torture, and that it was time for Roman’s to begin focusing on the future.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Koch Brothers donations give them final say on the Rapture

    HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

    David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had essentially taken control of the economics departments of such public colleges as Florida State University. In the FSU case, the Koch Brothers donated $1.5 million to the economics department, but with the caveat that the money could be taken away should the brothers disagree with any new hires.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Wolfrum's Morning: Oh, that Arnold

    By law, all bloggers have to post some version of this song today.

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    The Yes Men & Coal Cares to Peabody Energy and Coal Industry: Stop Killing Kids

    Since my previous post on the satirical Web site CoalCares.org, there have been several interesting developments. First off, the infamous Yes Men have been outed as the masterminds behind the site.

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    What's in a name?

    Over the course of the day, I've come across three stories from major media outlets that shared two things in common. First, all three stories were trivial. Second, all three of these trivial stories were based on comments from anonymous sources.

    First up, Derek Thompson at the Atlantic:

    GOP Aide: Republicans Not 'Intellectually Honest' on Taxes

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Are U.S. Veterans freeloaders? John Stossel will be the judge of that

    If you need more proof that Libertarianism is an ideology of the soul-less, let John Stossel finish the deal:

    After my FBN show last week, where I let critics of my FREELOADERS show talk back, I got this e-mail:

    Dear Mr. Stossel,

    I am a veteran who is rated and compensated as 100% disabled.

    Do you, and Libertarians in general view me as a “freeloader;” and should I not be compensated according to your views of this situation?

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