Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Why the Catholic Church Will Not Save Itself

    Every month, every week, the Catholic Church's scandal seems to deepen. Andrew Sullivan wants the Pope to resign. Christopher Hitchens wants the Pope arrested. Peggy Noonan has a brilliant column detailing the Catholic hierarchy's inability to grasp the problem and calling for "new blood" in the leadership. These are all reasonable desires. But none of that will happen.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Pope Benedict shoot & kills God – claims he was just protecting the Church

    VATICAN – Claiming he had no choice and was only protecting himself and his Church, Pope Benedict today shot and killed God. The Almighty was rushed to a nearby hospital but was pronounced dead from the wounds.

    The shooting took place moments before the Pope’s annual Easter Mass. During the Mass, the Pope declared that the act of violence was necessary to help stop the “Flood of Gossip” which threatens to derail the church. A senior Pope spokesman later discussed the incident with CNN’s Anderson Cooper.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jesus Christ sees vision of himself on tortilla

    FRESNO – Jesus Christ Almighty was making himself and his followers a quick bite to eat when he noticed something amazing – he could see himself on the tortilla he had just made.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    I dream of a better world (with no pedophile-protecting Popes)

    I have always lived my life as an optimist. Because of this, I have vivid fantasies of a better world for all of us.

    I believe that one day, man will put down his arms and celebrate peace. That enemies will become friends. And that we won’t have a Pope that covers up for Pedophiles.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    NAMBLA speaks out: "At least we aren't the Catholic Church"

    For countless decades, Catholic parents around the globe sent their children to work with the Catholic Church in a variety of ways – alter boys, choir members, etc. Many times, this experience is helpful to the child, who learns responsibility, hard work and a deeper understanding of God.

    And many other times, the child returns, completely broken and emotionally destroyed because they were sexually abused by pedophile Catholic priests.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Atheist politician arrested after leaving Church

    BAKERSFIELD – An Atheist California state senator was placed under arrest for Driving under the Influence of God after leaving a Church. His wife was in the vehicle along with the lawmaker and was not arrested.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Christian Fundamentalists = Islamic Fundamentalists: Blame the Rape Victim edition

    Whether they are Islamic, Christian or Scientologists, religious fundamentalists are truly an evil people. How else to explain the “Girls dressing provocatively are just asking to be raped” leaflet being handed out to girls in Bristol, Va.:

    “You may have been given this leaflet because of the way you are dressed,” it begins. “Have you thought about standing before the true and living God to be judged?”

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jesus Christ joins Marines to get his message out - one bullet at a time

    AFGHANISTAN – Jesus Christ looked through his rifle scope. More than 200 yards away was known Muslim Ali-Aba Khan. With preternatural calm, Christ stared intently, lining up his shot. When he pulled the trigger, the back of Khan’s head exploded. Christ picked up his rifle and walked away.

    “The power of Christ compelled him,” said a chuckling Christ.

    acanuck's picture

    Pat Robertson's soul fails to sell on eBay; devil says he expects reserve price to drop. True story

    Considering what's just happened to the poor, sick, malnourished and misgoverned Haitian people, it may seem an irrelevant distraction to focus on the words of one arrogant Christian bigot. But it needs to be done. It's time for Pat Robertson to just go away.

    Conjuring up bogus causality after the fact is his recurring shtick. Feminists and gays caused 9/11. Abortion caused Katrina. Evacuating Gaza caused Sharon's stroke. Health care reform probably caused swine flu. Teaching evolution no doubt led to Fort Hood and the underpants bomber. Enough.

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jesus Christ far too cool to sweat over Brit Hume, Tiger Woods

    HEAVEN – The heavenly perfection of Downtown Heaven was disturbed once all Hell broke loose following the news that Fox News Real-Live Journalist Brit Hume advised golfer Tiger Woods to become a Christian to overcome his cheating ways. The ruckus was quelled, however, when Jesus Chist stepped forward to say that he did not care.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jesus Christ he was enormous

    Bill’s Beginner’s Bible Presents:
    Jesus Christ Was He Enormous


    By William K. Wolfrum

    Chapter 1

    Genesis 6: 1-4 tells us that “there were giants in the Earth in those days.” Like all statements coming from the Word of God, this is factually true. There were, in fact, giants. And none were more giant than Jesus Christ.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    BREAKING: God Apologizes for Failure to Disrupt Senate Health Care Vote

    God issued an unusual apology on Monday for failing to stop Senate Democrats from cutting off a Republican filibuster of the health care bill. In a brief press statement, God acknowledged underestimating Democrats' resolve and promised a thorough review His divine intercession policies.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Who is a Jew? Britain's Supreme Court Dings State-Funded Jewish School

    When I was twelve years old, my father took a sabbatical in London, and our family moved from quiet, middle class Iowa City to London's buzzing if somewhat downtrodden Camden neighborhood. I enrolled in a "state school" called J.F.S.

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Minn. woman sees Michele Bachmann manifest on bottom of iron

    MINNESOTA - Putting away laundry was the last place a Minnesota woman thought she’d have a spiritual moment. But there it was: an image she saw as a manifestation of Michele Bachman on the bottom of her iron.

    Nebton's picture

    Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron give away free copies of Origin of Species

    In an odd turn of events, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron are giving away free copies of Origin of Species. No, this is not satire. What's the catch? Well, Comfort has added an introduction where he presumably explains why Darwin's theory is all nonsense.

    Topics: 
    Michael Wolraich's picture

    The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 21: Isaac gets born; Ishmael gets booted

    As God had promised, Sarah gave birth to a son at the age of 91. She and Abraham were very happy. Abraham named the boy Isaac and cut off his foreskin.

    All was well in the Abraham clan until Sarah remembered Abraham's bastard, Ishmael, and his slave-mother, Hagar. She said to her husband, "Drive away this slave together with her son. The son of this slave will not share the inheritance with my son Isaac!"

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    We SciMoChristoSatanIslaJews demand our own Health Care Reform "Pay-for-Pray" Provision

    William K. Wolfrum made this statement to his followers at 3 p.m.

    “My friends, I have always been open about my religious beliefs because I firmly adhere to the concept that what makes this nation great is freedom of religion. Whether you are a Scientologist, Mormon, Satanist, Christian, Muslim or Jew, you have the right to worship as you deem fit.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Sarah Palin endorses Leviticus in N.Y. House race

    NEW YORK - Showcasing once again that she’s an ideological maverick, Alaska ex-governor Sarah Palin has announced that she is throwing her support behind surprise candidate Leviticus in in a special U.S. House election in Upstate New York. Leviticus will be competing for the seat against Assemblywoman Dede Scozzafava.

    Pages

    Latest Comments